Solitude.. Peace? Not yet..

Wow! Its been a month since I've posted here.. Been busy doing nothing.
So much for my closet dream of becoming a writer.. aah well..

A lot has changed in the month i was away.. i should've been noting it down, but for my lethargy.. Lets see if my memory is quite what it was..

Took the trip away from the city i'd been planning with my friends for a while now..
Realized that I am indeed alone and a relationship with everything else, material or person is highly optional.. Im not confined to anyone or anything.

Have also increasingly become aware that i need a guide, a sort of spiritual one if you will.. the idea of "the meaning of our existence" has been worrying me for sometime now. Maybe its time to seek outside assistance.

Have avoided falling into routine like the plague.. tried doing everything possible to not be a victim of routine, with a little success i might add..

Close friends grow further apart as new people take their place..
Im thankful for the few people that understand. My existence is made a little more pleasant by them.

Planning a solo vacation at last..
Or will take someone that I'm ok with being silent with..

Sarcasm..

Am tired and annoyed.. Holidays are the worst.. Unproductive days that are conversely so full that you can't even fit a decent nap in.. Need an addiction to keep me occupied.. An idle mind is the devils workshop they say.. Just call me the devils little puppet then.
Can't seem bothered that many people out there don't 'get' what i write.. Too extreme, so they say.. Oh desmond! you're a square piece, don't try to fit in a round mould they say..
Sleep, Wake up, work, sleep.. breaking the cycle requires an amount of energy i cant seem to accumulate.. waste energy trying to stay awake most of the day..
Can you be surrounded by people and still be alone? i guess..
I guess its easier to be mentally and emotionally alone than physically alone in a city like mumbai..
Need to make a decision.. one that i've been sitting on for a while now..
Coffee or tea... hmm. that is a tough one... Phew.. the problems some people have!

Internet gone.. Thanks virus..

An extended weekend? more like misery extended.. Most people make the most of their additional free time.. Me? i did nothing..
Nothing is, as nothing does.. try making sense of that.

What do you do with all that free time? rest? maybe... Go out, be social and wet your whistle? not for me.. Gather dust at home sitting by the computer?
One for me please..

so that was the plan.. sit home trying to build up my rep as a geek.. Unfortunately, i had neither the energy no the inclination to fix either my ever prevalent virus problem or the fact that i couldn't access the internet..
Handicapped and alone..

Thank Yahweh i have other hobbies. By the time i was done with my guitar, she was sobbing by herself curled up in fetal position..

Back at work, it feels like home.. People yelling in my ear for things supposed to have been done, things that I'm not even supposed to have done..
familiarity breeds contempt they say,
monotony heralds boredom they say,
Well, they've never sat home with a virus infected computer and no internet..

Thinking of a new note..

Something has been bugging me all month.. I wish i have enough time to sit and collect my thoughts on the subject but alas..
Love Vs lust.. A highly controversial subject.. Well not really.. If only people were more open minded to the way our sub-conscious mind works..
I'll just end up haphazardly scribbling down a note anyway..
I've given some thought to being a serious writer for a while.. if only not for my addiction to television shows.. Have to dig out that story i was working on sometime back...

Exhaustion... still recovering from a one day vacation that was intended to be relaxing..

Im awake.. and i owe it to the cup of espresso and a few people at work who make work life a little easier..

Out with friends..

I've never been for things like group outings, for good reason. I have little free time. I'd rather dedicate it to the few i care about than have to distribute it amongst a big group of people.
Having said that, i went out of the city in a group of three. Two of my closest pals for company as I tried to undo a months work of stress. Alas, you other people there, de-stressing only happens if no physical activities are planned, darn my luck :p
However, the end of a 30 minute walk by the coastline did bring about a sense of achievement. IF only the walk back was as forgiving.
As cliche as it sounds, i did learn a lot about my friends and myself.. I was suddenly aware of new qualities within my friends that i never noticed before.. well, good and bad..
I keep stressing about how we never really 'know' someone.. Everyday is an opportunity to get acquainted with a new and different facet of someone's personality..
A lot of new thoughts and sources of inspirations will be evident in my new posts(on my blog for proper notes)
I would continue if not for the serious lack of sleep and rest..
More tomorrow..

A boring saturday.. Boredom..

Its a Saturday. The tough days of the week are now in my rear view mirror as I crawl ahead through a maze of obstacles at work cleverly disguised as mundane activities you don't normally fret about..
An espresso so sweet, it'll melt your enamel right off..
The sugar for the high, The brain kicking caffeine for the jump-start..
Two conquered cups sit before me as i sit and stare into space, my fingers clattering away while my mind remains unfazed by the bustling activity all around me.
A million maggots in my head, each representing an idea that chews away at my capacity to think straight..
Wish i was home typing it all up for future mental dissection but alas, my material needs keep me from enjoying a day home..

Unanswered questions, doubts in my head, faze my beliefs a bit..
I almost want to believe out of sheer desperation, for the thirst of knowledge knows no end. Its almost a walk-through to believe in faith and not question anymore..

Here's to the day getting better..
What was that line again though?
Live in hope, die in despair?
Ahh, C'est la vie..

First post..

As most of my friends have increasingly found it cumbersome to read through multiple posts of nonsense to find actual notes, I've decided to post the non relevant material here.
While not really a place for outsiders, the intent of this new blog space is to be able to track my thoughts, experiences and feelings on any particular day at a future date...

Here's to Desmond of the future reading this..
Cheers..