Resignation..

Dear all,

Please accept this resignation from the post of "Your Friend" with immediate effect..
It was an honor and a pleasure working with you for the past number of years..

I sincerely feel its time for me to seek a change of environment, this leave will also give me time to work on myself as an individual..
The reason, partially if anything, is the fact that i seek enlightenment and growth more than comfort. I've been there for you with the thought that my association would better the organisation. In due time I've come to realize, the system is too strong to be taken over and furthermore, does not even seek change in the most positive sense.. the tendency to maintain current state of comfort is too overwhelming to ever attempt change..

I've toiled, sweat drops of blood, worked late, broken personal appointments all in the name of progressing this company, the astonishingly bad rate of return has me disillusioned with what I was attempting to do in the first place..

Instead of being a rich man for my efforts, Im just a tired man.
An exhausted, mentally spent, depressed man.

With that in mind, please accept my resignation,
I wish i could say that i would be there to assist in the transitory period, but i fail to see the point in the same..


Not yours anymore
Desmond

"was it me?" "let me think about that for awhile.."

Have you ever been asked the familiar question, Was it me? or is it because of me?
What IS your answer to that? YES! it was you! it was always you! you ARE/WERE the one!

It try and not, as much as humanly possible ask "the question" it is annoying to say the least!!

Was it me? Naaahhh it was someone else.. A ninja jumped out of the bushes and did it! Aliens travel a couple of light years and through a couple of worm holes to do it! it was preplanned, god wanted it to happen! you? never in a million years! How DARE you insinuate that you thought that i thought that it was you! Frankly my dear, I'm a bit offended! Im Very offended! Im raging mad! raving mad even! ranting mad!

Nothing a little more jesus juice wont solve..

Cheers..

The mess cleaner..

Thats what I am..
The designated sweeper of the streets of mental filth..
Go ahead, come to me with all your problems and insignificant squabbles..
I have literally ALL the time in the world to hear your nonsense out and give you all solutions to the rubbish you'll are going through..

Cause I exist in an alternate dimension of time and space.. where I have no real worries and I have no problems.. so feel free, please..

But really, like honestly, I love listening to your problems, all of you..
It gives me a glimpse into the lives I did not chose to live..
So instead of pointing at laughing at my antisocial nature, of how I'd just rather sit alone and read a book than drink, at how i'd rather meet a random person for a date than meet any of you, of how I'd just rather stay home alone for 5 days than invite you all over, just for a second rethink what it is that you are living..
it certainly isn't a life.. not a very fulfilling life.. If it was, the shoe would've been on the other foot..
Wouldn't it?

Home alone and half a bottle of wine later.

Now it comes to my attention, not as a surprise i might add, that i HAVE been neglecting you, my most treasured asset, my audience
*looks around to an empty auditorium*
The reason being, i do not cherish stepping on other peoples toes..
And my thought process and in turn speech, invariably that..
Just call my desmond, the boy who hurts.

But well, there comes a time in every mans *read:boy* life, when he goes, ahhhhhh fuck it.
So the theme of my blog is a bit changed from this post..
This used to be a place where i could bounce my ideas of a future me.. Just in case i evolve my current notions and ideas, i'd one day like to have a thought-map showing me where exactly it evolved from..
This is now going to be a testament of the stupidity i encounter.. Mostly because honestly, I've had it. I have.. I'm done with this nice guy nonsense. Whatever gave people that idea.

So consider this post fair warning... If you're going to be illogical around me in a way that wastes my brain wave, you WILL be featured on here..

In the immortal words of Jim Reeves,
"Adios Amigos.. Adious my friends.. the road we have traveled has come to an end."

Opening doors

I stand here before the threshold something definitive. Greatness..
all but a few chains left. feel lighter already..

been weighed down by the burden of the world. like a vigilante who isn't on the payroll.. It IS a thankless job indeed.

Well, its time to give up the Batman cape for the silk robes of a person going into exile. Exile within myself. On a determined quest for knowledge and understanding.

A place without blaring music, booze and minuscule misgivings.


Went for mass after a considerable time spent away and almost immediately, was rudely reminded of all the reason i don't keep up the charade.


A last thought? well, the aftermath of my decisions are going to leave a lot of people feeling like they're shortchanged.. If they do feel thus, turns out, they weren't good for me to begin with.
Everyone can want greatness, few lean towards achieving it, fewer still make the final sacrifices necessary for that final leap.

My Personal "Drama"

Im tied up.. In ways unimaginable, tethered to people by indescribable soft and yet resilient chains that keep us in an unwanted bond.
Severing ties with these people described is as herculean a task as it would be to take the place of Atlantis under the world.
And yet. Here I stand, before myself. As nude and naked as the day I arrived, if not even more exposed in comparison.
I stand and stare at myself, the shame and guilt soon to be replaced by ego and stubborn resolve as I see strings extending from my person, silvery string of infinite smoothness. Each one connected to a person.
A person that has managed to break into and reside in a small part of my otherwise “stone” heart. Many people of these people today serve absolutely no purpose, but are only a reminiscent of a relationship that was. A relationship that once worked and now is as dead as the most of me is inside.
The time is at hand, to disconnect these strings. Until the only person that exists, is me. For that is the only person that should exist. For the strings don’t make existing any easier. I’m subjected to all the sorrows, the pain, the problems and drama that the people I’m connected to have to offer.
Problems that I can solve while being blindfolded, juggling three chainsaws and riding a unicycle. My state of peace, is in a constant state of conflict with having to deal with idiots who’s biggest problem comparatively is as small as not being able to tie their shoelaces.
Soon I tell myself. Soon I shall find peace from people and their miniscule, insignificant little problems.

welcome to my heart

clouded by emotion, my heart struggles to make sense,
not only of the events that concerns him, but also to account for the welfare of loved ones.
And with that, with every decision he makes, he ties a rope around himself and plunges into a lake of sorrow, his little head never to come up even a single time for air.
For some decisions are logical ones, prompted by harsh and cold facts.
Others lie beyond the realm of practicality. It takes sheer will to be able to make these decisions and forgo rationale and a working mind.
My little heart struggles to breathe as unforseen events suffocate him and as the coldness and the very brutal nature of people get under his skin.
He feels rubbed raw by the very essence of love and a bit robbed by the same.

Love not only in the short term practical sense, but in the fuller truer sense of the word. Cause he's seen a lot of 'love' and he's been let down more than a couple of times.

Maybe it is time to settle down, Opt for that style of life again.
Find someone that connects at a mental plane for the emotional one to connect.
A daunting task nevertheless, is something that be increasingly identified as a need more than a want.


I know I've said I only belong to myself, but what do you do when yourself rejects you?