Wednesday, July 24, 2013

You're the problem.. did i say you? I meant me.. I'm the problem.


I admit I've been shirking my duties as a sporadic blogger, something I have *almost* good reason for, I've been too lazy to write.

Now that we have that behind us, stay alert for we have a lot of catching up to do.

A refill on that espresso is highly recommended and if you don't drink coffee, maybe this is the time to begin. Not for what I'm about to say, oh definitely not.
But this world is spinning faster with each minute. Can you not feel the centrifugal force tug at you even now as you sit comfortable in your little bubble stubbornly holding onto to the 3x7 foot life so hold hold dear? Can you not feel the ground below your feel rumble as it threatens to buck you off your feet and flat onto your back?

We're smack in the middle of the so called age of enlightenment and the next few decades will predict whether we'll survive even to see the dawn of the next millennium. I personally am not a betting man, but I will bet a pretty penny against us existing that far ahead. That as a notion I admit is partially swayed by a lack of belief in creator and therefore a rejection of intelligent design, which is probably the only thing that could/would save us from our own spiral into the messy suicide we're headed towards as a species.

You know why?
Because We. Don't Care.

I don't blame you, I know I've tried to blame myself. Quite unsuccessfully I might add.
I don't know how to blame myself for not caring and worse, I cannot bring myself to care. You heard of white guilt, this is similar. It echoes around the concept of your destiny having a lot to do with where you were born. I've said this before i realize but then was about religion.
The kind of extravagant life we lead with one months salary could sustain an entire village for a month. We know this.
Our incessant dependence on things that in very big ways contribute to global warming is alarming. We know this.
The worst thing we can do at the current moment is have even ONE more baby. WE KNOW THIS too!

but we cant stop, can we?
because we've evolved to think only within the tribe; and in modern lifestyles, withing a circle of "ME".
Like i said, we know this, I know this too.

And as horrified as I am by my lack to even begin to care in ways that would really help, as opposed to doing exactly enough to say I've done something, I am equally corrupted to live the life I am..

At the end of the day, it's all about sustaining the life we have and bettering it.
We're like those villains in bollywood movies that kept villages at the brink of poverty just to aid extravagant luxuries for our palatial house.
Keep telling yourself that it is alright because it isn't you that pulls the proverbial trigger, I know thats what I do.

It's all about what helps you sleep at night.
And I, sleep like a baby.

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Is it worth it



IS it worth it?

Fuck if i care.

Friday, April 26, 2013

fools everywhere


people are idiots.
I'm done trying.

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Bloggers block or


I absolutely cannot write.
I've had loads of mental room to think, but never anything to write on at hand.

Home is not a place i can think, write or exist as i am.

Moving out to a safe house is eventual and the only future i know.

Moving will mean a drastic change in everything i am.

Maybe all you see and read about as my thoughts aren't me at all. Maybe i'm really a good mamas boy, maybe I'm the guy your mama ought to have warned you about.
I'm fairly confident that I know what I'm doing.
I think i am.
I have to be right.



Weight is a funny thing to have to deal with.
it however is way more amusing when all this weight hits you as you just happen to be walking innocently on the road, thinking about nothing specific. And suddenly, BOOM, you're contemplating the trials of different choices and the very importance of having choices.

I like weight.
MAybe that's because I can never really HAVE weight. So keep trying to take on weight to fool myself that im exactly like everyone else.
Maybe Everything i just said is absolutely nonsense and im trying to justify my dramatic need for weight.


Maybe I don't know what im doing, saying or have any indication of what'll happen to me.
This could all be a facade.

the buddha did say this world in its entirety was an illusion
Maybe he was right.



Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Judging a book by its cover


I used to be an allowing person, a person never to pass snap judgment on the inherent hidden sides people possessed. I understood that people constituted of complex layers of personalities that festooned the core person, all adding character and making the product a unique, indescribable product, something that is unpredictable under any circumstance and not replicable.

Lately, or for the past year or three, I've resorted to using educated generalizations to bucket people into patterns of behavior. I've found that if you have enough points to plot on a map, each which deals with a very specific behavioral pattern, predicting the arch of future actions isn't something that seemed as hugely impossible as earlier held as a belief.

I no longer care for the little things, I no longer care for what makes you, you.
Frankly, I don't need to know what makes anyone themselves, people get less fascinating the more you get to know them. I've seldom been right about the observational based predictions, especially when told to the person themselves, but am redeemed by the future on more occasions than not.

Ten aspects, seemingly random ones could tell you mostly everything you need to know about a person and/or how to deal with them, no one is a deep as they claim to be, including me. We're all as complex as a rock. A rock with no secret minerals to mine, no fossils buried within. Just rock.

We all have the same problems, the same insecurities, the same strengths, or so many of us do, that we can all be lumped in a basket and treated together. The very thought of which disgusts us.
Why?
Because we've been raised to believe we're special.
Therefore our problems are special and unique.

I'm afraid i have news for you.
and it is bad.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Death Is meaningless


We find it extremely complicated to explain the meaning and thereby consequence of death to children. We make up all kinds of embellished and exaggerated stories to explain something so elemental, it is as permanent as it is inescapable. if death is defined as the cessation of something that exists in its current form and even if that as a definition were to be expanded a wee bit to incorporate further elements, everything in the universe succumbs to death, or cessation of its current form, right from you and me, to all the planets, suns, stars and right enough, the universe itself.
We seem inconsequentially small in the grand scheme of permanence.

Why then do we have such a crisis when having to explain death? Because every single time we are compelled to think of ways to explain death, we're brutally snatched from the comfort of the womb of life, where we sit in a stasis, cocooned by life's embracing warm and care, to be brutally cast into the land of the non living, cold, rotting corpses that were once full of life and are thus harshly reminded of our own fleeting mortality.

The elaborate stories we weave to explain our mortality range from eternal life to the promise of rebirth to the more creative explanation of eventually becoming one with all existence. Stories probably initially brewed to explain death to children but eventually found themselves being believed by children of all ages, from 3 to 130.

These fictitious fairy tales cause absolutely no harm, or do they?
Having to deal with death in all it's concoctions through the centuries have led people to slaughter millions to therefore justify and thereby attach some value to their otherwise meager insignificantly small existence and in the hopes of attaining the rewards mentioned in some of the stories. The rewards of doing a Gods will and attaining either Nirvana, Heaven or Virgins.

This is what should I believe we should be teaching our children.
Death is the end. The Omega of this one act drama we call our lives. When we die, nothing happens. Absolutely nothing. There's no light, there's no one playing a harp, neither is there a jolly fat man laughing, waiting for us to get closer so that he can then sit us down with a cup of oriental tea and then explain to us the meaning of our past life.

Why? Simple.

Disassociation is peace and happiness. Attachment is the greatest sin mankind and any animal before him as ever conceived of.
Attachment stems from territorialism which I simply define as the the most obvious meaning of 'ownership'. True freedom and happiness comes not from possessions by from relinquishing ownership of everything until all you own is every second from the absolute present to the day you were born.
We're all heard this story before, non attachment to possessions especially cited in context to mobile phones, entertainment devices, vehicles, houses, gadgets, instruments, clothes, this indeed has the potential to be an endless list. But have you ever lost something and have been sad for it? It could be your phone, it could be your wallet, it could even be your wedding album; and when you did, did you feel a sense of loss? That isn't sadness, rather, it is your sense of ownership grieving about something it previously 'owned' and now doesn't, what would've been the ultimate purpose of any of those 'things'? Absolutely nothing. They don't make any contribution to who you are, what you do or how you think; and if they do, you probably aren't the type to have reached this far in my little rant.

Let us evolve this discussion shall we?
From 'items' we own to people we 'own'.
People we like, love, lust for and even hate, we find comfort in attributing a name to that relationship, whatever the name could be, by rule has to be a socially recognized name, this in a validates that now you have some stake in the other persons existence.
After defining your relationship, you are now bestowed with some responsibility for the person, to help care for them, help conserve their precious life and maybe even take on more menial tasks you would otherwise volunteer to perform for more deserving souls.
This would perfectly justify the sense of ownership loss we feel when that relationship is then rejected and ended. We're now with one lesser possession; are we grieving the lost person or are we grieving the time we spent to 'maintain' that possession, the hours spent on the phone, meetings in person, money spent, time wasted, chores done.
Are we grieving the loss of a person or are we grieving the loss of a possession.

Our own life being the miniscule limit that it is, we're on a clock to best validate our lives. Before we die, we have to have felt a sense of achievement sans any inkling of the slightest regret.
Being rejected is like a slap in the face to that sense of achievement. Our master plan has now unavoidably changed, terribly inconveniencing us.

In death, everything changes.
When death is accepted wholly, it would be comparable to accepting the loss of a phone as something unchangeable; a moment in history that is irretrievable, sadness is only dispelled in acceptance of the phone being lost.
And so goes with death. Someone lost is lost forever.
What we grieve here, isn't the person themselves, but the end of one of our possessions. Something we were attached to. Something we loved and/or hated.


Children need to be shown that death is unavoidable and thereby inconsequential.
If you cannot avoid death, or save anyone else from it's icy clutches, there's absolutely no reason to despair or become overwhelmed by sadness at the death of a loved one.
They once existed, they now do not.
exactly how your phone once existed, now it doesn't exist as your possession.


Accepting death in this manner you probably deem as being too harsh and unnecessary or even as being too tough to practically execute. Better yet, you might want to debate my theory on us being sad because we perceive people as possessions

Thousands of people die every second, yet we feel nothing towards them.
This means, we don't despair death, just specific people dying.

The amount of sadness felt is directly proportional to the level of emotional connected we have with said person. This shows a sense of emotional investment and therefore ownership.


Is it tough? Absolutely!
Is it necessary for happiness? Absolutely!
Are there any famous people attached to it? Yes!

Realizing death as inconsequential was the final realization that lead to Siddhartha becoming the Buddha.
Luckily for you, you don't have to give up anything you own. Why do i say this?
Because you never will, item, person or otherwise..

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Random Rhymes


Bright joyful summer days
Gloomy winter nights, often here to stay
Standing high on a mountaintop
Devastatingly smashing to a complete stop

The lonely nights of depression
The one you love, the sense of elation
Love ones ripped away from your heart
New life emerges, another innocent start

You are alone, born and raised,
You are a crowd, yet unfazed
You live to love, you live so you love
You live because you love, you live

The immense weight of living
Repressed urges of feeling
Tied by chains, the bondages of life
Set free by yourself, set free your own life

The choices we chose, the decisions we make
The lives we forgo and consequentially forsake
Chose for us our own little heaven and hell
And help us accumulate our own lightness and weight.