Those unnoticed notes.

Well, this world is all about subtext.
Namely, understanding where there's none and being able to read when there is and what is being said.
New studies indicate that a persons ability to understand sarcasm shows a healthy brain, we've evolved to be the sarcastic bunch of people we are now and you certainly cant fight human nature.

Subtext allows for a whole freeway of miscommunication, especially with people who believe themselves to be adept at reading it, but really it can barely grasp at the thread of conversation with words being spoken out loud.
Unsurprisingly, the amount of unspoken word in a conversation or subtext is directly proportional to how socially decrepit a persons moral code is. A well adjusted person has little need for subtext and a person that doesn't fit well with society's mold has to be able to converse better without spoken word. I bet I don't have to repeat that old chestnut about "words once spoken.."

Come talk with me sometime.. We'll talk about the weather.

All That Hate

Normal cannot exist in a universe where they're consciously aware of anyone, even one person hating them for whatever reason, no matter how mundane.
Me, it amuses me when someone hates me, because I'm also aware of their inability to see that they have to hate themselves to hate me.
When you hate someone or something, for sheer purpose of example, that noisy boorish neighbour that killed your dog (by mistake of course), what you're really doing is hating yourself by evoking a emotionally negative association every single time you're reminded of him/her.
You have to hate yourself to do that to yourself just to carry out the mental act of hating someone else.

Weirdly but not so unsurprisingly, everyone who's ever hated me has also loved me in some sense of the word love and everyone that does one, continues to do the other and has made it a point to mention it too. Almost like they were subconsciously hoping I could resolve their dilemma and help them pick a side by pushing them over the fence one way or the other.

People who've 'hated' me have always done so because at times, I'm not the most pleasant person to be around when problems are being discussed. I'm over-judgmental of everything I hear, but only if I consider you more than an acquaintance. Let it be known that if you come to me with the same problem more than twice, I'm going to begin by calling you the best of words denoting your stupidity before I bet my own farm in trying to help you break even.

Hate.. Such a brilliant concept.
Purer than love, undiluted and raw..

Completely isn't how people use it anymore though. Every emotion needs to be referred to by its comparative extreme in the scale.

Whatever happened to people saying "you know, I don't like you so much at the moment in time".. I know that's what I say.

You're the problem.. did i say you? I meant me.. I'm the problem.

I admit I've been shirking my duties as a sporadic blogger, something I have *almost* good reason for, I've been too lazy to write.

Now that we have that behind us, stay alert for we have a lot of catching up to do.

A refill on that espresso is highly recommended and if you don't drink coffee, maybe this is the time to begin. Not for what I'm about to say, oh definitely not.
But this world is spinning faster with each minute. Can you not feel the centrifugal force tug at you even now as you sit comfortable in your little bubble stubbornly holding onto to the 3x7 foot life so hold hold dear? Can you not feel the ground below your feel rumble as it threatens to buck you off your feet and flat onto your back?

We're smack in the middle of the so called age of enlightenment and the next few decades will predict whether we'll survive even to see the dawn of the next millennium. I personally am not a betting man, but I will bet a pretty penny against us existing that far ahead. That as a notion I admit is partially swayed by a lack of belief in creator and therefore a rejection of intelligent design, which is probably the only thing that could/would save us from our own spiral into the messy suicide we're headed towards as a species.

You know why?
Because We. Don't Care.

I don't blame you, I know I've tried to blame myself. Quite unsuccessfully I might add.
I don't know how to blame myself for not caring and worse, I cannot bring myself to care. You heard of white guilt, this is similar. It echoes around the concept of your destiny having a lot to do with where you were born. I've said this before i realize but then was about religion.
The kind of extravagant life we lead with one months salary could sustain an entire village for a month. We know this.
Our incessant dependence on things that in very big ways contribute to global warming is alarming. We know this.
The worst thing we can do at the current moment is have even ONE more baby. WE KNOW THIS too!

but we cant stop, can we?
because we've evolved to think only within the tribe; and in modern lifestyles, withing a circle of "ME".
Like i said, we know this, I know this too.

And as horrified as I am by my lack to even begin to care in ways that would really help, as opposed to doing exactly enough to say I've done something, I am equally corrupted to live the life I am..

At the end of the day, it's all about sustaining the life we have and bettering it.
We're like those villains in bollywood movies that kept villages at the brink of poverty just to aid extravagant luxuries for our palatial house.
Keep telling yourself that it is alright because it isn't you that pulls the proverbial trigger, I know thats what I do.

It's all about what helps you sleep at night.
And I, sleep like a baby.

Is it worth it

IS it worth it?

Fuck if i care.

fools everywhere

people are idiots.
I'm done trying.

Bloggers block or

I absolutely cannot write.
I've had loads of mental room to think, but never anything to write on at hand.

Home is not a place i can think, write or exist as i am.

Moving out to a safe house is eventual and the only future i know.

Moving will mean a drastic change in everything i am.

Maybe all you see and read about as my thoughts aren't me at all. Maybe i'm really a good mamas boy, maybe I'm the guy your mama ought to have warned you about.
I'm fairly confident that I know what I'm doing.
I think i am.
I have to be right.



Weight is a funny thing to have to deal with.
it however is way more amusing when all this weight hits you as you just happen to be walking innocently on the road, thinking about nothing specific. And suddenly, BOOM, you're contemplating the trials of different choices and the very importance of having choices.

I like weight.
MAybe that's because I can never really HAVE weight. So keep trying to take on weight to fool myself that im exactly like everyone else.
Maybe Everything i just said is absolutely nonsense and im trying to justify my dramatic need for weight.


Maybe I don't know what im doing, saying or have any indication of what'll happen to me.
This could all be a facade.

the buddha did say this world in its entirety was an illusion
Maybe he was right.

Judging a book by its cover

I used to be an allowing person, a person never to pass snap judgment on the inherent hidden sides people possessed. I understood that people constituted of complex layers of personalities that festooned the core person, all adding character and making the product a unique, indescribable product, something that is unpredictable under any circumstance and not replicable.

Lately, or for the past year or three, I've resorted to using educated generalizations to bucket people into patterns of behavior. I've found that if you have enough points to plot on a map, each which deals with a very specific behavioral pattern, predicting the arch of future actions isn't something that seemed as hugely impossible as earlier held as a belief.

I no longer care for the little things, I no longer care for what makes you, you.
Frankly, I don't need to know what makes anyone themselves, people get less fascinating the more you get to know them. I've seldom been right about the observational based predictions, especially when told to the person themselves, but am redeemed by the future on more occasions than not.

Ten aspects, seemingly random ones could tell you mostly everything you need to know about a person and/or how to deal with them, no one is a deep as they claim to be, including me. We're all as complex as a rock. A rock with no secret minerals to mine, no fossils buried within. Just rock.

We all have the same problems, the same insecurities, the same strengths, or so many of us do, that we can all be lumped in a basket and treated together. The very thought of which disgusts us.
Why?
Because we've been raised to believe we're special.
Therefore our problems are special and unique.

I'm afraid i have news for you.
and it is bad.