Hopelessness

I'm usually well prepared for most of the events life has to offer.
That is, when i've had time to consider the possibilities of the given event.
When I have not, I'm flying completely blind.

Insecurities never really completely go away do they? We just try to push them enough in the background to be able to function normally.

Woke up today with a nest of thoughts. A million emotions all at once. Emotions will soon be the death of me.

Maybe I should get working on that book I've been talking so much about.
I don't care about the story being told, as much as they people involved in my life finally getting a glimpse of the inner workings.
And yet, i know this book won't even be read by all the people i would want it read by.

Every day lived is a regretful one. Or so I'd like to believe.. Maybe it isn't regret, I'm almost confident it isn't. Insecurity? maybe or maybe not.

Desmond, you're a hopeless one. you need to stop peddling your wares when you are so messed up yourself. you can't handle life yet and with that knowledge, you really need to focus on cleaning up your life.

I'm beyond being comforted by a hug today. Kind words won't soothe me, nor will good deeds. All that can absolve me from my life is me.
Its about time I began living.