Pre Ladakh

10 Days to myself.
With no associations, friends, family, entertainment, distractions.
No drama. No mid life crisis. No societal pressures.

I'm supposed to have gone with a free mind. And yet.
People prove to be persistent in trying to change me as a person, trying their best to mould me into a shape they can recognize, or then if not, challenge my very existence.
In the week leading up to my departure, I'd set myself to preparing my mind to withstand a fortnight of solitude. And arrive back with absolutely NO attachments or in other words, to spend my time there not having to worry/regret the life I was going to come back to. This is tough and impossible enough on its own, without people aiding this.

People are bastards.

Their demands are NEVER met and are a constant phenomenon.
THIS is what I leave with.

At 25 and already having crossed the so called quarter life crises, I stand before a full blown mid life crisis.

Factors that worry me aren't career, money, establishing myself OR family, love and the other ultimately inconsequential reasons people live for..
Factors that DO worry me, are what is the point of it? Of everything.
I predict a lifetime of rough and hard work and to what end!
What do I hope to achieve if not the things mentioned in my quarter life crisis?
And even if i do manage to fill a few reason to my existence, how valid are they?
or AM i just further fooling myself to encourage myself to prolong this miserable existence (SEE DISCLAIMER AT THE END).
I can live to attempt to satiate my physical needs, or emotional ones (even knowing they stem out of a very basic insecurity)
I can exist to take a shot at being at true peace, knowledge OR even awareness, but then again, at my current level of societal corruption, it will probably never be achieved.

WHY THEN does Desmond Armando Frias Exist.

These are questions I hope to answer for myself.
My only fear is that IF i don't satisfactorily manage these, I might not return.

My friends and family have, in a way, unwittingly provided fuel to this.
Why does it affect others if I am a bastard, or even if I'm a saint!
If I love my family, or don't, why am i expected to prove this to them or others!
If I'll eventually settle down or not, career or family wise!

I pray for peace, so that when back, My patience extends to incorporate these trivialities

I've put a lot at stake for this to blow up and go wrong.
I just hope my lack of preparation isn't my downfall..









(Now a segment of you out there will be more than encouraged to take offence/be worried for my safety, please rest assured, I am merely setting out to explain my life, not to end it. I do not support or will ever support suicide, NOR will indulge in it.)