Living an absolutely peachy life.

Having been spat out from the comfortable womb of complacency and absolute acceptance into a world of conspiracy and practical realizations is a horrible reality for a few of us.
Where do you go from there? Depressionville, that's where.
Sure you've mentally and emotionally risen much like a phoenix from the ashes of stupidity and complete dependency on higher powers with ulterior motives, but from then onwards, you'll soon realize that you've only just began your journey along your path of thorns and jagged stones.
After the soles of your feet become tender and worn from the journey of having to literally move against the tide of non acceptance by the masses and the complete and utter disregard for your new found ideas and truths by people who have already been hard-coded with nonsense beliefs and irreversible conditioning, you'll slowly realize that you don't care.
You'll look for acceptance and assertion from like-minded individuals and having found none, realize that people like you are a dying breed.
That's when regret hits.
Why did you have to move out of that comfortable womb in the first place. What did you ever hope the achieve? You weren't special, just led to believe that.
Your social group, parents, teachers will only tell you that you're meant for greater things so long as you do not displease their sensibilities.

Things like the comfort of your house, the warmth of loved ones and the absolute trust you could once place in the hands of in your friends are now things of the past.
Now you look at the world with a discerning eye. Being calculative and dissecting every action done onto you with the best microscope possible.
yet, all you want to do is get back to that simpler time.
All you want is to fit in again and revert to being that person who could trust, care and love and look at the world through rose tinted glasses.

But lets face it, that part of you will have died so long back, you're stuck in this new found purgatory until the day you finally cease to exist.

Feeling Hurt.

It all is a byproduct of hurt feelings.
How we treat others is exactly how we've been treated or rather, its how we've broken down that experience and explained it to ourselves.
The more we understand the reason behind a person being hurtful to us, the easier it is to cope with it and move on.

Unexplained hurt however is just tough to deal with.
You have not the slightest inkling of what hit you and no idea of how to deal with it.
Sadly most people who've hurt you to the point of your life being affected, are people you've let into your so called 'circle of trust'. These are people you've once trusted or still trust. It is tough seeing people you've let in, take that trust and run you into the ground with it by simply behaving in a way that offends or demeans you.
They can downright abuse you emotionally or be more subtle and withdraw their love or friendship in a way that unsettles you. How DOES a person go from being a person you've run to when times were bad to someone who creates bad times for you? How DOES a person go from someone who's shoulder you've cried on, to being the reason you've made your pillow damp at night..

The important thing is here is to realize that you're not at fault.
Its not your fault. It just isn't.
People change. mostly for the worst.
Lets face it, every day that passes by, that good caring person just around the corner is slowly losing what makes him human and what makes him care.
with each passing day people are slowly losing their reason to be genuine and good.
probably because they've been at the receiving end of undeserved hurt themselves.
It is a vicious cycle, it indeed is.

Just makes it a whole lot harder to trust the world.
You'll probably recover the first and second time you've been at the receiving end of this heartbreaking pain. You'll cry, you'll get depressed and probably hate the world. But then, that third time, you just won't care. Because you're done.
You're done accounting for the untrustworthiness of others.. You're done letting people into a position where they can ever hurt you whether you deserve it or not.
Thereby, you lose whatever inherent niceness and humanity you might have once possessed..

When you've finally transformed, you're nothing like the person you wanted to be as a kid. You're entire world veiw is now distorted, but you know you didn't have a choice, for in this world, only the strongest survive.
But surviving means self hatred and despising yourself over how much you've changed into the very same people that made you feel belittled in the first place.
YOU are now THEM, creating your own little circle of viciousness with the hurtful things you say.
You say hurtful things to keep people away and to form a makeshift barricade around your wounded heart.
Thus, you live a life of quiet solitude.

Welcome to my world.
Its quiet here.

The Pinnacle of being - being alone

Did you ever hope to live an uncomplicated life? Its one of the most over sold concepts today and yes i may have blogged about it on occasion too.
But its lonely at the top.

People's innate desire to lean towards drama holds them back from leading simple lives.
I was asked today what could possibly pose to be a potential problem for me in the future. After briefly thinking, all i could offer was attempted humor, "the only situation I forsee being a problem in the future in me getting someone pregnant"
This is humorous only because at my current success rate at getting women to drop their inhibitions and their clothes, not that I'm trying anyway, It'll be a few decades.

Suddenly when you've reached upto a point wherein you are unable to even predict your unpreparedness to life's unwanted twists, you are suddenly aware of the shallowness of being. Imagining your life is now uncomplicated, what about everyone else?
Why then are people living in such densely unnatural atmospheres? Why are people forgoing their basic freedom, peace of mind, money and state of being for anything at all. What then is the price you'd be prepared for peace of mind.

Also, you'll suddenly be aware of you're disdain for people of this type. people who often fall prey to life's complications. You will downright despise them for not have the mental clarity that they even sometimes strive for but are too insecure or emotionally stunted to make that final leap. You will definitely feel pity, but only in passing. After all, it is tough looking at the ground from a pedestal.

Living a simple life depends on various factors.
The most obvious one being, you can only trust yourself. If you never really let anyone into the inner circle of trust, no one ever lets you down. NOTE: it is important here to realize, that you have to be standing in your own inner circle of trust. Most people don't fully trust themselves and thus forms the root to most of their insecurities.

The percentage of people actually living life in this depicted manner is so negligibly small that if you do reach up to this level, you'll live a life of quiet depression and solitude.

The Time for Change

Its that special time of the year come around again.
The period of change wherein I shed the old skin of what used to be me and being afresh.
Leave my old mental playgrounds and surroundings behind, burn everything that used to be me.
Its getting so its actually gotten easier to completely destroy my past and from the ashes, create a new me, than to have to look back at my life every year and have to analyze my mistakes.
It is indeed easier to not be able to connect to my past mindsets and completely disconnect from what I used to be as a person.

Leaving behind friends and loved ones is always tough, but a necessary part of this process. Complete cleansing isn't possible is fragments from your past hang on to your being.

New Music, New places, New environment, New people who love me, New people To love, New experiences..
For isn't that what life is all about?
Being tired of being static and leaning towards change?

Tough life eh?

Life's tough.. or so i've heard.
well its definitely not for the meek, let that be said. You CANNOT survive in this world without at one point hurting someone's sentiments or feelings.. Ahh what a cruel atmosphere to be born into. Our ancestors really messed things up big time with this 'society' nonsense.. Couldn't have got it more in a state of chaos that it is now..
Where does hope lie for us then!
can one go one being themselves and hoping for the best at a day to day level? or does one need to formulate a master plan which mostly involves how best to choose the appropriate mask to put on. And if everyone's wearing a mask, where is the honesty people speak of!

Eternal Sunshine of the spotless mind..

Since this is the only place I'd ever admit things out loud, watching the movie "Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind" made me think.. Now future Desmond reading this, you're probably snickering, "i think nevertheless"
well.. One film.. managed to breach thru to my inner state.. to the kernel of innocence that my subconscious mind clutches onto. It appeals to the me of the past.. The me that loved, the me that was loved. It takes you back to a time in your happiest relationship to a time where you were hugged for no apparent reason. Where you were missed, cared for and cherished for just being you.
Its strange how our emotions are so sympathetic to how others feel.. No sooner are we subjected to watching a person mourning over his biggest regrets, in the form of letting go of a loved one, that we feel that immediate realization of having let go everyone that mattered to us..
If only every relationship ended with completely erasing the person in question from your life.. It would be sad, but then again, you're mind would be in an eternal state of sunshine..
Me? I'd rather it not be perpetually sunny in my mind..
For me life is supposed to be a cumulative of all things we regret.. Its only when the regret peaks that we truly begin cherishing the things we have..

Desmond out.

Random Occurances..

Life can suddenly be beautiful at times. .
sudden opportunities to see how people function shouldn't be passed upon.. Even if it means objectifying them and studying them.
Lust is a funny emotion. If we could only, even for a while amputate it from our brain.. Ahh the mental clarity to be had there.

Why do we try to achieve the unattainable! there's only defeat to be had there..

Am i smart? or am i just researching this thoroughly just to prove that I am, even if not.

life equals confusion..