Now usually, I'm a nice guy.
I take this with a pinch of salt, especially remembering the old "nice guys finish last"
There are times where my mind explodes with thought. Post these times my brain is still trying to comprehend fully the mental experience it has been through. Completely rubbed raw, all I want to do is be by myself.
And I am NEVER afforded this. EVER
All i ask, is to be left alone. And I ask of it with earnest!
How tough is it to leave someone alone WITHOUT saying a couple of "parting" words!
Seemingly VERY!
That is when demon mode gets switched on yet again. Uncaring, unfeeling, not even human. All because I was denied even 30 minutes of time just to myself. Just to satisfy someone else's greed for me.
This isn't a very caring world after all.
"Maat kar neki Desmond, Duniya badi zaalim hain"
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Monday, July 18, 2011
Slaves in the rain..
What the hell is wrong with today! Why can’t it just behave! Rain pouring down like it is just a precursor to the raptor. Heavy water logging everywhere, coupled with crazy winds dragging in rain all around the place make this the perfect day to sit right at home, all comfortable with a cup of hot chocolate and possibly a book, or hey, my personal best, sleep till it is lunch time. Covered with soft pillow-like mattresses with the cool monsoon climate for company.
Alas..For I HAVE a job..
Grudgingly I begin my mammoth task of working against my better judgment, something you’re taught to do since preschool to accept authority of others, in this case, my boss. After the necessary morning formalities, which I’m beginning to suspect are just social conditions of how I must life my life (Do you really care if I don’t bathe in the morning so long as I still smell civil?) I take one last peek out to gauge the situation. It is still pouring with the fury of a Greek God in anger. I resign myself to the battle ahead and grab the nearest umbrella.
Once out of my building, I almost instantly find muck to place my foot in, not on purpose really, honestly.. When I tell you my next two steps were also in muck, I’m probably not lying too. “What kind of company” I ask myself “makes their valuable employees wade thru muck and weather storms just to get to the damn place!” I manage to make it to the taxi stand and the lack of cabs becomes very apparent. So I wait. And wait.
“This is sick, people are sadistic”.
“Just because they have fancy high cars, they’ll never know what the common man like me has to go through!”
“They consider themselves our masters! How conceited! I’m just an employee! I can quit at anytime! But yet, they feel like they own me! Ohh the bastards!”
“It is time” “it is time to steal the power away from these task masters!” “Time to revolt my underprivileged brethren! Wake up and see the plight of your brothers!” “Time to kick these pompous bastards where it hurts” “let us strike and show them, they’re not the boss of us!” “No one orders us around by God!”
“Wait, what?” “I can’t hear you speak up!” “Yes sir boss man! We’re going to go on.. err what?” “I get paid how much?” “Ok I’ll be good”
“sigh”
Alas..For I HAVE a job..
Grudgingly I begin my mammoth task of working against my better judgment, something you’re taught to do since preschool to accept authority of others, in this case, my boss. After the necessary morning formalities, which I’m beginning to suspect are just social conditions of how I must life my life (Do you really care if I don’t bathe in the morning so long as I still smell civil?) I take one last peek out to gauge the situation. It is still pouring with the fury of a Greek God in anger. I resign myself to the battle ahead and grab the nearest umbrella.
Once out of my building, I almost instantly find muck to place my foot in, not on purpose really, honestly.. When I tell you my next two steps were also in muck, I’m probably not lying too. “What kind of company” I ask myself “makes their valuable employees wade thru muck and weather storms just to get to the damn place!” I manage to make it to the taxi stand and the lack of cabs becomes very apparent. So I wait. And wait.
“This is sick, people are sadistic”.
“Just because they have fancy high cars, they’ll never know what the common man like me has to go through!”
“They consider themselves our masters! How conceited! I’m just an employee! I can quit at anytime! But yet, they feel like they own me! Ohh the bastards!”
“It is time” “it is time to steal the power away from these task masters!” “Time to revolt my underprivileged brethren! Wake up and see the plight of your brothers!” “Time to kick these pompous bastards where it hurts” “let us strike and show them, they’re not the boss of us!” “No one orders us around by God!”
“Wait, what?” “I can’t hear you speak up!” “Yes sir boss man! We’re going to go on.. err what?” “I get paid how much?” “Ok I’ll be good”
“sigh”
Thursday, July 14, 2011
The Wonders of Evolution..
We're so laughably weak as a species.
Sure our brains evolved to be bigger thus compensating for losing necessary survival features like hairy bodies, claws, speed, strength and who knows how many more..
These bigger brains were supposed to see us through life and helped with a host of things man then tried to do like hunting, gathering, farming, reproducing and so on. The brain over the next hundred millennia taught itself complex tasks like creating fire, constructing rudimentary tools, harvesting nature etc.
Today we've reached the moon, conquered distant planets, can predict weather, almost fully understood how we've got here through evolution. We've created machines to make our lives easier, we played god by creating hybrids, whether seeds or animals to suit our requirements.
But today, if we were to draw an average of the mentality of the humans inhabiting this earth, it wouldn't really paint a pretty picture.
We just the same superstitious bunch of assholes we've always been. Praying to an invisible man in the sky, an act not only defying all logic, but even all practicality. We pray, we sing and we chant in the hope that a higher power is listening to our little rants of wanting various things.
GOD is now supposed to emulate the wizard of OZ.
Some want brains, courage, heart and some just want to go home.
We're just children that condemn that which we can't understand, be it science, culture, psychology or just a different point of view in general. We're always right, and even if the other person makes more sense and our conscious accepts it as such, our sub-conscious will refuse it, because WE are right.
We're all designed to be the hero of our own tailored story, where we've always been wronged by the world.
We talk of higher purposes and eternal peace, truth is, we can stand peace of any kind. We don't even seriously attempt at it, nor we know how to deal with it when we've think we're achieving it.
We have to be at ease, even at the cost of someone being in pain, be it mental or physical. Clearing our mind is of prime concern.
Even dogs have evolved really, what separates us from them if our brains are no better than they were 600 years back!
Sure our brains evolved to be bigger thus compensating for losing necessary survival features like hairy bodies, claws, speed, strength and who knows how many more..
These bigger brains were supposed to see us through life and helped with a host of things man then tried to do like hunting, gathering, farming, reproducing and so on. The brain over the next hundred millennia taught itself complex tasks like creating fire, constructing rudimentary tools, harvesting nature etc.
Today we've reached the moon, conquered distant planets, can predict weather, almost fully understood how we've got here through evolution. We've created machines to make our lives easier, we played god by creating hybrids, whether seeds or animals to suit our requirements.
But today, if we were to draw an average of the mentality of the humans inhabiting this earth, it wouldn't really paint a pretty picture.
We just the same superstitious bunch of assholes we've always been. Praying to an invisible man in the sky, an act not only defying all logic, but even all practicality. We pray, we sing and we chant in the hope that a higher power is listening to our little rants of wanting various things.
GOD is now supposed to emulate the wizard of OZ.
Some want brains, courage, heart and some just want to go home.
We're just children that condemn that which we can't understand, be it science, culture, psychology or just a different point of view in general. We're always right, and even if the other person makes more sense and our conscious accepts it as such, our sub-conscious will refuse it, because WE are right.
We're all designed to be the hero of our own tailored story, where we've always been wronged by the world.
We talk of higher purposes and eternal peace, truth is, we can stand peace of any kind. We don't even seriously attempt at it, nor we know how to deal with it when we've think we're achieving it.
We have to be at ease, even at the cost of someone being in pain, be it mental or physical. Clearing our mind is of prime concern.
Even dogs have evolved really, what separates us from them if our brains are no better than they were 600 years back!
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Good People..
Where'd all the good people go,
I've been changing channels, i don't see them on the TV shows..
Words by Jack Johnson.
Where did all the good people go? all that seems to be left, is shells of people who reminisce of good times, people who believe they were once good and are now tainted by the "horrible modern society"
I've almost strained myself searching for people who are inherently good and the results seem frightening.
The only people who even come close to being good are the clueless lot. The ones who can't tell today from tomorrow. The ones without ambition or higher calling. The ones who bear no soul any malice. But then, the price they pay is oblivion. The only reason they're so good, is that they view the world through rose tinted glasses.
People are strange and even though I've said this only fairly recently,EVERYONE thinks they're good. They believe they've been wronged against. They believe the world is conspiring against them. They live in a fantasy world wherein the modern world is full of cut throat professionals who will sell their mother for a piece of bread even though, various statistics say that crime now is much lower than it was in the 70's and 80's..
Also interesting statistics are AIDS is lower than it was decades ago, abortions/rape lesser, new anti corruption laws will soon make the system as honest as it was when it was first established. But yet, people will have something to detest.
They always will..
The blame from everything, from being bad children to being bad spouses to being bad parents, lies solely on the other party involved. All our shortcomings, our lethargy, our bad habits, our wrong decisions, opportunities missed, is all blamed on external factors. IF ONLY for that, THIS would be done. *sigh...
We all want easy answers to everything..
ahh well..
One good thing to come out of my pondering though is an idea for a book..
It might, well, scratch that, it definitely WILL ruffle a few feathers and some people might never speak with me again.. But then, that IS the price I pay for being a cold indifferent bastard.
I live the life you'll believe me to live :)
I think therefore I am.. When I am refused the right to think,
YOU think therefore I am..
I've been changing channels, i don't see them on the TV shows..
Words by Jack Johnson.
Where did all the good people go? all that seems to be left, is shells of people who reminisce of good times, people who believe they were once good and are now tainted by the "horrible modern society"
I've almost strained myself searching for people who are inherently good and the results seem frightening.
The only people who even come close to being good are the clueless lot. The ones who can't tell today from tomorrow. The ones without ambition or higher calling. The ones who bear no soul any malice. But then, the price they pay is oblivion. The only reason they're so good, is that they view the world through rose tinted glasses.
People are strange and even though I've said this only fairly recently,EVERYONE thinks they're good. They believe they've been wronged against. They believe the world is conspiring against them. They live in a fantasy world wherein the modern world is full of cut throat professionals who will sell their mother for a piece of bread even though, various statistics say that crime now is much lower than it was in the 70's and 80's..
Also interesting statistics are AIDS is lower than it was decades ago, abortions/rape lesser, new anti corruption laws will soon make the system as honest as it was when it was first established. But yet, people will have something to detest.
They always will..
The blame from everything, from being bad children to being bad spouses to being bad parents, lies solely on the other party involved. All our shortcomings, our lethargy, our bad habits, our wrong decisions, opportunities missed, is all blamed on external factors. IF ONLY for that, THIS would be done. *sigh...
We all want easy answers to everything..
ahh well..
One good thing to come out of my pondering though is an idea for a book..
It might, well, scratch that, it definitely WILL ruffle a few feathers and some people might never speak with me again.. But then, that IS the price I pay for being a cold indifferent bastard.
I live the life you'll believe me to live :)
I think therefore I am.. When I am refused the right to think,
YOU think therefore I am..
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Choices?
This post is just to give words to my current situation in a way that describes it entirely.
In the very near future, I'm going to be rich. Short term rich.
What do i plan to do with these puts in a pickle.
There's a place called ladakh. North India. Want to know what heaven on earth looks like? Google images might attempt to do it justice and fail miserably.
Along with visiting this place, I can afford a wide lens. A Tokina 11-16, 2.8
Lovely aperture, sharp as a woman's tongue, wide as wide can get.
These are the things i can possible afford this time.
So far so good?
As a photographer, I lean towards only wildlife. As current not having lenses to click the same, is tantamount to constant frustration. I have a very soft 70-200, 2.8. But that's about it..
With this money, I have a set of choices.
I can visit heaven on earth, armed with a wide lens and capture beautiful HDR landscapes and the people there, while spending the next whole year living with the frustration that I can't yet click wildlife,
OR
I can buy the wide AND the 18-300 Nikon 3.5 with which, I can do everything from nature, to macro to portraits, thus catapulting me a year ahead of where I would be as a photographer had I gone to Leh, but without the experience of Heaven.
Decisions, decisions..
In the very near future, I'm going to be rich. Short term rich.
What do i plan to do with these puts in a pickle.
There's a place called ladakh. North India. Want to know what heaven on earth looks like? Google images might attempt to do it justice and fail miserably.
Along with visiting this place, I can afford a wide lens. A Tokina 11-16, 2.8
Lovely aperture, sharp as a woman's tongue, wide as wide can get.
These are the things i can possible afford this time.
So far so good?
As a photographer, I lean towards only wildlife. As current not having lenses to click the same, is tantamount to constant frustration. I have a very soft 70-200, 2.8. But that's about it..
With this money, I have a set of choices.
I can visit heaven on earth, armed with a wide lens and capture beautiful HDR landscapes and the people there, while spending the next whole year living with the frustration that I can't yet click wildlife,
OR
I can buy the wide AND the 18-300 Nikon 3.5 with which, I can do everything from nature, to macro to portraits, thus catapulting me a year ahead of where I would be as a photographer had I gone to Leh, but without the experience of Heaven.
Decisions, decisions..
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Sunday Mood Ruiner..
So I'm not totally Buddhist or enlightened.
Not even partly or slightly. I'm just a guy with temper issues.
And even though I've spent many reading hours having some quack tell me that it isn't positive to withhold anger, I can help but.
My anger resides in a small ball of pure glowing white rage somewhere at the back of my head. Now I know this is probably not the best for me personally, but i think of it as the least I can do for the people I "allegedly" care for.
I don't always get the same consideration from these same people mind you, who won't think twice about using this same rage as a crutch to launch crippling attacks on my emotions and mental being, but that isn't what we're talking about here.
Anger, is well, eventually let out. although for me, It usually takes a lot to provoke me to display my array of anger induced venom.
Lately, surviving a multitude of person attacks, I've come to realize a few certain number of truths more intensely than ever before.
1) Even Hitler thought he was a great man. So did Castro, Laden, Saddam and everyone else that terrorized millions. If these people could reject everything bad everyone said about them, then why not you? We're seemingly built to rarely, if never, take conscious blame for any of our actions/thoughts or words, because our "intentions" are always clearly either good or neutral to us! We will even dismiss someone's comments of how we are the one killing them into depression as the other persons self doing. While in most of the cases, we like to play victim when we really aren't, we simply have to realize for ourselves when exactly we're being Hitlers and Saddams.
2) Social isn't bad, neither is antisocial. By No means am I a very social person and of late, my tendencies towards living a solitary life are becoming more and more apparent. Very soon I shall retreat to my solitary cave only to come out for food, sex and photography. But until then, I live life on my own terms, which aren't apparently all that much of a hit with other people, especially friends and family. I don't like going for birthday parties, I dont like reminiscing for the hundred time about a life I led and I especially don't like being surrounded by crowds in the midst of blaring music! But in this world where I fit almost like a glove into the antisocial territory, there are actually a group of people that think I'm social! talk about confused humans!
I'm amused dating sporadically, I have about five hundred people on networking sites, and they may jump into random conversations about insignificant topics now and again. But then, Im always offline, never meet anyone and am never on the phone to reminisce. Social? I'll let you decide, especially when the accusations come from people who find it tough letting even the trash go from their lives.
3) It has been brought to my attention, by myself, that I am wasting my life.
I've definitely been working on it, and have already launched what I call the "First One Year Plan", I assume I've written about this already it encompasses music, photography, writing and traveling.. Now it is true, I'll definitely move at a slower pace that I would if i were completely free, but well, I'm just a sucker for things I find there to be a future in, call me stupid..
That it, im done.. *sigh.
Oh yea, and incase you've actually read this, drop by my photostream too
http://www.flickr.com/photos/25937835@N07/page1/
Not even partly or slightly. I'm just a guy with temper issues.
And even though I've spent many reading hours having some quack tell me that it isn't positive to withhold anger, I can help but.
My anger resides in a small ball of pure glowing white rage somewhere at the back of my head. Now I know this is probably not the best for me personally, but i think of it as the least I can do for the people I "allegedly" care for.
I don't always get the same consideration from these same people mind you, who won't think twice about using this same rage as a crutch to launch crippling attacks on my emotions and mental being, but that isn't what we're talking about here.
Anger, is well, eventually let out. although for me, It usually takes a lot to provoke me to display my array of anger induced venom.
Lately, surviving a multitude of person attacks, I've come to realize a few certain number of truths more intensely than ever before.
1) Even Hitler thought he was a great man. So did Castro, Laden, Saddam and everyone else that terrorized millions. If these people could reject everything bad everyone said about them, then why not you? We're seemingly built to rarely, if never, take conscious blame for any of our actions/thoughts or words, because our "intentions" are always clearly either good or neutral to us! We will even dismiss someone's comments of how we are the one killing them into depression as the other persons self doing. While in most of the cases, we like to play victim when we really aren't, we simply have to realize for ourselves when exactly we're being Hitlers and Saddams.
2) Social isn't bad, neither is antisocial. By No means am I a very social person and of late, my tendencies towards living a solitary life are becoming more and more apparent. Very soon I shall retreat to my solitary cave only to come out for food, sex and photography. But until then, I live life on my own terms, which aren't apparently all that much of a hit with other people, especially friends and family. I don't like going for birthday parties, I dont like reminiscing for the hundred time about a life I led and I especially don't like being surrounded by crowds in the midst of blaring music! But in this world where I fit almost like a glove into the antisocial territory, there are actually a group of people that think I'm social! talk about confused humans!
I'm amused dating sporadically, I have about five hundred people on networking sites, and they may jump into random conversations about insignificant topics now and again. But then, Im always offline, never meet anyone and am never on the phone to reminisce. Social? I'll let you decide, especially when the accusations come from people who find it tough letting even the trash go from their lives.
3) It has been brought to my attention, by myself, that I am wasting my life.
I've definitely been working on it, and have already launched what I call the "First One Year Plan", I assume I've written about this already it encompasses music, photography, writing and traveling.. Now it is true, I'll definitely move at a slower pace that I would if i were completely free, but well, I'm just a sucker for things I find there to be a future in, call me stupid..
That it, im done.. *sigh.
Oh yea, and incase you've actually read this, drop by my photostream too
http://www.flickr.com/photos/25937835@N07/page1/
Sunday, June 12, 2011
One Hundred Posts
I've been here awhile. One hundred posts on here.
Let my hundredth post mark my descent into a life for drama, if only for a while.
Its time to step into the crowds and be as involved as I could be.
Indulge myself into the pleasures of the senses of all kinda. Intoxicants of every kind shall be sought and consumed until my brain is foggier than the thickest of soups.
What is the purpose of this you ask?
Well, I honestly don't know.. But hey, We'll find out soon enough..
My life is lack a certain kind of drama.. This is almost a ritualistic kind of drama that I need to grow out of. Drama that I inflict upon myself rather than the situations I'm put into because of my association with people that surround me.
Watch and read about how I deteriorate my life into oblivion and then re-create myself. Much like a soap-opera.. Fun!
Let my hundredth post mark my descent into a life for drama, if only for a while.
Its time to step into the crowds and be as involved as I could be.
Indulge myself into the pleasures of the senses of all kinda. Intoxicants of every kind shall be sought and consumed until my brain is foggier than the thickest of soups.
What is the purpose of this you ask?
Well, I honestly don't know.. But hey, We'll find out soon enough..
My life is lack a certain kind of drama.. This is almost a ritualistic kind of drama that I need to grow out of. Drama that I inflict upon myself rather than the situations I'm put into because of my association with people that surround me.
Watch and read about how I deteriorate my life into oblivion and then re-create myself. Much like a soap-opera.. Fun!
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