Born into Freedom?

Are we born into freedom or slavery?
This presents and interesting conundrum that I've been pondering over for quite some time now.

The moment our eyes open into this god awful world, we're free. Free from a sub-life, depend like a parasite on another human being. We fight to be free from the womb and just for a split second we're no one. Our only identity is our gender, and if we got all our limbs intact. Nothing is expected from us and we owe no one anything.

Then it happens.

In the next few seconds that ensue, we get a name, we're tagged and in the following days, dreams are built around us. We're already designated to be something, from something as simple as an an engineer or an accountant, to something redundant as a christian or a muslim to something vague as a good person, a guitarist, a vegetarian, a spiritualist and the list goes on.
we're trapped.
Trapped by expectations set by the very people that spat us out into the world.
we can rarely escape these expectations, because being raised in them for as long as we've been alive does cause a lasting groove in our mind, a sort of pre-conditioning to the very factors that trap us.
Many of us go on to live fully "satisfying" lives without ever waking up to the puppets that we truly are.

I ask you, are you satisfied? And I'm sure your answer is that you are.
but really, can a person who has only ever eaten one flavor of ice-cream say it is his favorite and it completely satisfies him?

It confounds me that people will apply this logic to EVERYTHING inconsequential but not to things like relationships, religions and things that actually matter.

I want to truly live, but is it possible to really be alive being surrounded by people who'd rather use they brain to decide which flip flops are better?

*sigh.
This race is doomed.

Desmond Loves the Darkness.

Its like an inexplicable tendency to lean towards the darkness. I've always been so, the darker, the more fascinated I am by it.
We've already related to those vigilantes and those lead characters with a morality that strictly more than a hundred shades of grey. I don't just relate to them, I become them.

So far recessed into the small pockets of my own mind, I can no longer differentiate between whats real and what's seemingly an imaginary demon sitting aside me staring at me.
It should be imaginary right? Or i may just be losing my mind. His cold blue eyes staring into my soul as to stake claim to it, isn't helping my nerves.

We all are capable of incredible feats of rage and destruction. Let me stop here and bring in a concept of an eastern religion, oh wait, some of the blind enough followers don't like to think of it as a religion now, they're a bunch of idiots.
There's a differentiation one can derive from the brain and mind that goes through periods of extreme self inflicted torture and from the one that resides inside that recognizes these as torture. If you can't live with yourself, who is it that you can't live with? therefore there exists a dichotomy in thought and being.

Now if my mind and brain are capable of ultimate destruction, and the part of me that we'll refer to as a soul recognizes that, it will seek to destroy the latter. I know this for a fact, because it has already begun. The soul is already eating away at the mind making the destruction turn inward in a way wherein there wont be any innocent bystanders.

The existentialist crisis may just claim me yet, or i may just be too dead to notice.

My Sins? Am I redeemed?

I don't mean to troll. I honestly and sincerely don't, but i have to ask.
Can ANYONE explain the true meaning of Good Friday to me.

Now don't get me wrong, I was born a Christian and am quite the bible scholar, so I know the historical record of what happened (as the Bible records it) but what i cannot seem to come to terms with, is pretty elemental.

Let us for a minute separate the old testament from the New testament, you know, to get all the looting, homicide and infanticide out of the way.
Now, the records say, Jesus died on the cross to for our sins or well, the Church sure interprets it that way right? Died for my sins and the sins of Mankind, but wait, wasn't there a clause by him earlier, stating something along the lines of "Do not judge lest ye be judged"? Does not him dying for my sins also mean him calling me a sinner first? Is he able to cast the first proverbial stone because he himself is free from sin? Isn't that tad petty for the Son of God?

But that is just one side of this ill fated event.

What real world implications did that one event have. He died for the sins of mankind.
Does that absolve me from going to Hell? The Church says NO.
Does this mean that the souls in hell up to that point in history were set free and taken in to heaven? This would mean Genghis Khan now lives next to St. Francis Xavier (and if you are a history buff, you already know they both probably are neighbors right now too). The Church says NO here too.
In a fit of sheer desperation, I ask, does this mean that original sin was absolved? NO!

I as a rational human admit to being a bit confused about this whole ordeal.

If you amputate the "spiritual" portions of this whole event which require faith, what REALLY did him dying on the cross achieve? What ultimate purpose does it solve?

The only thing I could think of, was it was compulsory for it to happen to satisfy scripture. For it was written that a human would be born of virgin womb, greater than a prophet, the savior of this world. He would absolve the sins of Mankind and generally set things right. This scripture was then again received through a series of visions to earlier prophets, whether Jew, Muslim or Christian. This would imply, with horrific ramifications that God desired his Son (who wasn't born yet) to be born and to die, even though in his infinite knowledge, would know that it would serve no real purpose, because what transpired in the subsequent millennium is now known as the dark ages of the Church.


So I honestly implore you, if you have a deeper understanding of this subject, please educate me, mail me if you must! I'm all ears to a different opinion.

Sinking In

We've seen these defensive masks being constantly put up by the unlikeliest of people these days. Purely as a defense mechanism.
I apparently am not exception to this rule. Realizing that I play along alone doesn't suffice to break the shackles of it. It seems to demand competition only from harder and strong resolve, something that I cannot seem to muster with the current amount of resources unwittingly chewing thought-waves and occupying small pockets in my brain.

So I give myself the same worn excuse that I'm different from the rest, I can break the pattern whenever I so desire, oblivious to the fact that I may just be in too deep to make a hasty exit. Like quicksand the gaps of air rapidly close all around me trapping me further in an unyielding mass of static noise that drown out cognitive thought, enslaving me to my most hard coded societal rule set. I put up a mask. Hoping to either gradually loosen my feet so I can once again run in field of free thought, or I wait for the ground to harden, which itself is an obvious trap to the vigilant observer, me not being one of them.
So I wait.

I wait in agony, my heart bruised, my brain heavy and my breathing stifled, my brain makes do with every little breath my mouth receives by gasping and lunging towards it by propelling itself into the void seeking it, seeking air like it needed it to survive!

I look around me, others lie strewn in fields of despair, covered in their own waste, the excrement of their own actions and oblivious to the pain because they're lost in the mirage of the "One" that was supposed to have redeemed them! Redeem them by extending a hand and pulling them out of their misery, Alas, death comes only to the deserved!

I try to help, those sinking in above their necks as a meager measure of saving them and preserving my own humanity, lost if I had to witness them go under, but alas again. I manage to grab a handful of hair as one almost goes under and they stop their decent into the ground, as if in a trance, looking straight at me, unblinking in wonder of one who directs them to something other than the course they were prepared to follow, even unto their own immediate demise..

With the person still suspended mid-ground, another look proves my efforts insignificant. I am but a man, with feet trapped myself, how am I expected to be a God, what is a God, if trapped?
Unyielding, I struggle as tears of blood run down my face, with my hand already affixed to the first person, who still just stares. I grasp another and then another and a fourth, until my four hands now hold four humans, shells of the people they once were. But for the weight, the infernal weight, I might have succeeded. Instead now I only sink.
Deeper into the void, where millions have gone before me.
As the darkness envelopes me, I dream of happy things.
"It isn't so bad here" I say to myself.
Now I sleep and be one.

Death is inescapable and inevitable.

Someday we’re all going to be six feet under and dirt. The sheer contemplation and fear regarding something that’s inevitable is probably the most nonsensical emotion that man still retains to today.

Today’s man is such a slave to societal norms already created through our evolution cycle that has now become beyond him to comprehend why exactly he feels the loss for someone he does even know more than the occasional greeting. At times, even a strangers death is known to make a person re-evaluate this life and how he lives it. Re-evaluation wouldn’t even be necessary if the person begins by understanding this feeling of remorse and why exactly he feels the need to emphatize with relatives of the deceased.

This probably began at a time when the earliest of man began to form smaller groups necessary to hunt and to become the first hunter gatherers. Small hunting packs ensured a catch over a solo hunter and the numbers were also useful to defend land and the tribe itself from other such tribes. This is comparable today, with your absolute immediate circle of friends. People you confide in, people you trust when drunk and people you can think being stranded on an island with. Naturally, in both timelines, a death is perceived by the immediate circle/tribe as lesser numbers. Its one person lesser that you can trust and depend on. After family, we’ll regard this as the second circle of grief. We feel grief even though we know of how inconsequential our grief is. What we also feel, is a deep sense of loss, no of the actual person though. We feel the loss of the life we’d planned around the person. With each of our close associates today, we have a fair idea of where we want that relationship to head, and we’ve all projected into the distance future with regards to that person. Death distorts our plans completely and makes us redo the whole plan. This again, is an emotion that isn’t allowed by society, since in the first timeline, a death in the tribe, would weaken the whole tribe. The sense of brotherhood would be broken, only to be replaced by a sense of weakness with respect the tribe, and inability with respect to being able to save the person in question. Society does not permit us realizing this as a core emotion anymore, because now, it is politically incorrect to think of “survival of the fittest” as a concept conducive to society (even though we all know it exists). Therefore death in the immediate circle is accompanied by the deepest regret which would manifest itself as profound sadness. This is best observed in couples where one person survives the other.

How we feel towards the death of others now is all a relative scale to the above argument. Our grief or sadness regarding it, is always directly proportional to how well we tie in with this society and how much we crave acceptance from it.

How do we relate to this now? How does this tie in with our current everyday lives? It doesn’t yet. But soon, very soon, someone related to someone you know will die. This person wouldn’t affect your life in the least and your total personal experience with this person will barely be adequate to fill a nutshell. At this point, remember that you’re programmed to feel sad for this and be atleast a bit grief stricken only by society. You’re original intention for feeling bad was good, but now society has made you guilty about now feeling this same emotion for everyone around you, after all, aren’t we all just one huge big tribe now?





Of course I agree, there are multiple sides I’ve overlooked, I assure you these are intentional, I have no ambition to write a thesis about this here (cause I’m lazy), but since you asked nicely here they are in point form, well some of them.

1) Religion has made death a sacred affair. It isn’t, although now it is too late to redo that much of early inculcation that death is a door way to something greater. This however completely clashes with our evolutionary trigger of feeling a sense of morbid loss manifested through sadness. This is why even as the priest mumbles nonsense about how the person is in a better place and how this was God’s plan, the immediate family cannot help but sob into the next month.

2) The Hindu concept of death is much more appreciable. Not the reincarnation bit, that is idiotic. Not the Hindu Heaven too, that is well, let’s say flawed. I’m talking about northern Hinduism where death is death, and just that. Where the self has to realize that death is not to be feared or conquered. Death is just to be realized as death. Pondering over death, fearing it or planning your life around it, is as inconsequential as you buying a chimp a computer.

3) You feeling sad/grief regarding the death of anyone else is a wasted byproduct of our evolution. It does not facilitate you or the person’s immediate circle in anyway. It only suffices to reassure the person of a sense of false security for a while, until the next death sets it off again.

4) People will never realize this. Ever. Never ever. Ermm, Ever! They’ll still cry at deaths, they’ll feel a sense of deep sadness. They’ll call you cold for not feeling the same and they’ll even call you heartless at times. All the while, bending over forwards to facilitate society’s hand up their arse to better move their lips whilst they attempt to maintain a false sense of superiority over you.

To Vote or Not To..

I think, and sincerely believe that voting is a joke. Here’s why.
In my “area” of elections, let us consider three political parties that may be contesting the forthcoming elections.
1) Shiv Sena
2) BJP
3) Congress

For the purpose of understanding to readers not from India, the numbers are also an accurate representation of their ranks with respect to criminal acts/criminal associations. In ascending order, they represent blue collar crimes, riots, extortions etc, In the opposite order, they represent white collar crimes like misappropriation of funds, bribes for permits etc.
Now given that my choice is amongst probably five candidates, the fourth one usually is a cast in by one of the major three. Someone to contest the elections split the vote base and drop out later. The fifth guy usually is a goon with enough of political pull to be able to create his own party.
Oh yes, I seemed to be forgetting an elemental part of this, they all hate me! Apparently I fit their bill for the devil, should they ever need him personified.
I’m Christian! Well by birth anyway. (How undramatic you say? Indeed.). We’re loved for a two month window during the elections, not before, not after.
I’m not a native of the land. I live in a state called Maharashtra. My lineage is originally from a state called Goa. Which means that even though I was born here, spent my entire life here (so did my father), I’ll never be a Maharashtrian when politicians decide to play this card.
I have a job. In accordance with the above point, I’m robbing the job of some hard working Maharashtrian boy somewhere who just lacks the resolve to actually go find one.
I’m a musician with, brace yourself, Long Hair! Yea, this unfortunately isn’t even a stereotype anymore. The land of Bollywood already isn’t kind to us without receiving aids from the central government in way of Taxes on performances and ridiculous import charges on musical instruments. Come on! We’re making music with it! Not gold! *sigh
Western Culture: And this should be obvious. If you’ve considered all the above points, you’ll realize that I’m from something the media likes to call generation X, or Z, Or something.. We “inculcate” western culture and values in the innocent natives of this humble place. Culture like Valentine’s Day! And Proms! Speaking in English! Us with our western influences! How distasteful! We encourage the natives to dress immodestly and swing their barely clad bodies immorally to hypnotizing beats.

Now, there’s a certain section of people out there who would no doubt object by saying “If you don’t like what’s happening, do it yourself”. This argument has so many flaws, it only works to reinforce my stance on the whole “we’re letting a bunch of ill informed idiots do the voting, for issues they don’t even fully comprehend” idea.
Me contesting the elections is like me jousting with a toothpick against “Sir I-Have-a-huge-iron-lance”.
Apart from the fact that I have zero political pull, and not criminal associations (This is a bad thing for electoral contestants), I also don’t know the regional language (Marathi) we enough to appeal to the broader demographic. I can always be cast as the foreign ‘devil’ trying to convert the innocent minds of, er, haven’t you been paying attention all this while?
What's the saddest part of this whole sordid deal is that the intelligent or even literate percentage of the voting population is so negligible, that even the audience facebook reaches does not compete. I'm expected to fall in line as a drop in the ocean of people who don't make wise financial decisions, personal decision, heck they don't even know what to eat, wear, way or THINK beyond what the television tells them to, I'm expect to stand in line with them to propagate some nonsense of how my vote will make a change? When the system changes, affair are made more transparent or when they establish at least a basic standard test of IQ before allowing people to vote, call me up. I'll be the one first in line..

Enter my self hatred.

Self hatred is a funny concept, a crippling paradoxical paradigm of sorts. It often leaves you in a sense of utter and complete depression while, conversely all being directed at your inability to escape depression, thus forming a vicious circle that sinks you deeper and deeper until you've hit rock bottom.
Only,
There's no rock bottom.

The lowest denominator of self destruction is suicide. There's no point below that standard that is humanly even possible for a human with regards to personal self destruction. That's rock bottom.
How them do people pull out of the death spiral, if I may be so crude.
What magic mantras do these shrinks whisper into their ears while they have them seated on their mysterious couches! What makes a rational person give up his quest for rock bottom!

Only one thing can! Make him question his own rationality.
If he isn't rational, he isn't possible of cognitive thought, therefore all the relevant thought regarding ending the brain are processed as void and a 'suggestions' whispered by a stranger become the new absolute truth.

How else I wonder would it be possible to break out of the death spiral!
It surely couldn't be just a precisely measured cocktail of all the right ingredients, could it? Just a dash of societal conditioning, some disillusion here, some 'help' and 'support' from friends there, some wise counselling about, and voila, you're seemingly all patched up. But the thing about band-aids you see, is that over time, they seem to weather, and peel leaving behind the ghastly scar of the wounds they used to conceal.

No.
There has to be a better way of ending the death spiral.
Understanding the core reason might provide some insight into the motivation behind the self destruction, but decades of societal condition, not to mention trusted people like elders, parents and friends super-imposing their values on us have corrupted, if not jaded our own core personality, our sheer genetic make up.

This seems an uphill battle, but if provisions aren't made in a timely fashion and way in advance, the commencement of the war will only see us half dressed and improperly armed.

I'll beat this yet.
Without friends, without society, without fairy tales, without being told I'm crazy, Without God.