My life of late seems to be an endless montage of monotony separated by sleep, necessitated by the overwhelming energy being depressed demands.
Its not easy being depressed by the weight of the world and yet having the knowledge that even though the weight seems external, the only real weight lies within.
The immense weight I feel isn't actually the universe weighing down on me, rather it is me feeling the weight of my own being, a product of choices made and those yet to be made.
weighing me down is every bad choice, every bad decision made that I've lived to regret, every person I've hurt and every alternate live I could have been living. At the same time, it is every decision and choice I'm going to make.
I wish I could write this off as a quarter life crisis of sorts, but then again, I dare not be slotted in the same category of people who define a quarter life crisis as being indecisive about how their wedding dress will fit.
Yes, I despise everything about this crude and unintelligent generation. We seem to be growing immensely smart over generations, true. However, we still mull over all the irrelevant indecisiveness that our ancestors pondered over.
I do look around at times for any sign of higher thought and am constantly met with idiocy at every step. Can't expect much i tell myself, from a generation that can listen to an hour of lyric-less music with the same head-spinning, nausea inducing, heart stopping (not the good kind) beat and the distinct lack of rhythm therein..
So i lurk in the shadows. I hide my mind in the dark hoping no one notices until its time. Fully understanding that the day when i let it out is just a fantasy i've chosen to believe. So forever there will it lie. Until provoked into working again by some sort of higher purpose or conversation.
No comments:
Post a Comment