Vision of my past.

I can't do this again.
I cannot dwell in situation that will only result in depression. Especially when i fight a losing battle against my own demons everyday that i breathe.
My 'technique' if i can call it that, is to bottle unwanted emotions up and hope never see them again, until im in a straight jacket and safely in a cell, but then i do tend to over dramatized events.
I cannot afford the luxury of sitting with my emotions that ive not successfully dealt with over the years i've been conscious.
Like i said, not again. not this time.
Not when i've finally got a grip on this things that have weighed me down. Not when i've broken free.
It took all the energy i had to get myself out of the thick swamp i almost drowned in. Not again.
I've no energy left, the years have left me a bit jaded and worse for wear. i wish i could say they desensitized me to the emotions I know i do not want to ever feel, if anything, they've only highlighted them in red and made me aware of what to say away from.
And i've tried. God knows i've tried. So hard.
And its not easy! it so isn't!