Pulling a brave face

Know the kind of day that makes you wish you were never born?
By no standard was this anywhere close to that. Although, I am easily fooled by its viciousness.
See, Im the kind of guy to over dramatize events, this trait I've convinced myself is for the betterment of me in the long run. That resolve seems to be fading, and fast!
For no apparent reason, my being seems to be in a state of emotional and mental turmoil. I seem to be going through a mental transition of sorts, one that I havent really identified yet.
So I'm running around in my head much like a headless chicken, not aware of which demon I'm battling, or if such a demon even exists.
All I know is I'm hurt and a bit distraught.
Been needing a hug to comfort me the whole day today.
The security of a meaningful hug cannot really accurately be described in anyway.
Although, that begs the question "what am I, Desmond Frias, really insecure about?"

Maybe then, I AM going through some turmoil, and my brain has moved the action into my sub-conscious to help me maintain normalcy. Yes, it does that sometimes. Good ol' brain.

If so, when will it ever dawn upon me what I've really been down about?
Therapy? Maybe so.


Introspection isn't as smooth and easy as they make it out to be in those self-help books and the movies. How do you force yourself to be aware of something, that you aren't aware of? Yep.. Life's tough..

Oh well, One day..
one day I'll know.
Maybe it'll be too late, Maybe not.

By then, it'll probably be pointless anyway. My present troubles will seem small and insignificant. I'll probably be-little them before I even realize that those where the problems that lead me into where i've reached. Probably a mess in the future too..
Can't wait.


SO while I sit here and smile, pulling a brave face, I'll always need a hug.
And most of the time, I'll not even know why.