Questions from a friend

Been a bit depressed of late.
Its the past coming back from the dead to haunt me.
You think you've run far enough to get out of reach of those demons? well.
I've come to a stage where every single action from my past is being recalled and scrutinized with a magnifying glass. I've always considered myself to have a bad memory and I'm a bit disappointed to know that when needed, my brain can recall every little detail of events.
Every scent, every feeling, every picture and every little heartbreaking moment.
This suddenly onslaught of emotions is more than what I'm apparently prepared to handle. Just hope I manage to keep it together long enough to make it through to the new year.
On the other hand, I've discovered that I'm able to write with much more mental clarity when in a state of what is i hope temporary depression.

Depression. That's a funny word, isn't is.

Wish I could go back to my past and relieve certain moments,, but that would never happen. those moments will stay as they are, immortalized in my memory, reminiscent of the good times that were, times that I know I'll never have back.
And was it worth it? Was forgoing those times worth it? I'll never know.
All i know is at the time, my reasons seem solid.


Here's to answer a question to a friend.
What if, my the good graces of the universe, I was given a chance again, with the same people and the same scenarios as before. Would I consider indulging in them again or would my initial reasoning and resolve be strong enough to deter me from falling into the same traps as before.
I don't know, I really don't.
All i can say is, I've grown as a person and so have other people. But still, I'd give the person a chance, In fact, this is true with all my 'friends'. They get what is one chance a year. One chance to prove that they're worth the time I'm going to be wasting on them in the forthcoming year. If they're not a value addition in any aspect, I can't be bothered with their presence at all. Its a selfish way of life, but like i've recently read, Life's too short to meet friends who are going to rob expensive time of your life and waste it with gossip.

Similarly, give everyone from your past a chance. Maybe you'll suddenly discover you're compatible with them and you'll hit it off fabulously. If not, you'll know exactly why you don't want them around you, but at the least you get some closure, some finality to the relationship instead of it remaining a permanent open ended question.