Edge of reason..

This is the first real day I’ve had, a day of contemplation to myself.
Of my thoughts collected, I’ve run into a few questions that I’ve vainly attempted to answer armed with my half understanding of how things work.

My questions are as follows.

1. Is our universe scientific or spiritual?
2. How do we exist and what forms the purpose of our existence?
3. Is our universe continuous? If so, are we immortal souls that only move from body to body until perfection is achieved? And when it is, what then?
4. How did religions come into existence, what is the common point between the eastern and western religions?
5. What are the flaws if any with each major religion and its texts, how is even the righteous word contorted by the masses following it.
6. What is Karma, how does it apply to modern life, what are its similarities to its western counterpart (fate/destiny)
7. What constitutes Maya (worldly illusions) and how do we go about dispelling Maya?
8. Are emotions real?
9. Are we loved, even by our parents? Is unconditional love even possible?
10. What is our inherent weakness to hold onto (drama) when we fully realize that peace lies beyond? Do we honestly attempt a simple life even for once?
11. How has evolution played a part in the psychology of a modern individual?
12. How does one come into complete harmony with oneself, is it a rejection of all external events/objects or an acceptance of all? Is it a negation of the self of an acceptance of the self?
13. My view of a perfect society with the abolishment of a few societal ‘diseases’
14.

The last question is blank for the very reason that the list of questions is yet unfinished. I shall try to elaborate my understanding of each of these questions and in the eventually of my understanding being incomplete, I shall try in all honesty to avail of the literature that corresponds to a question before attempting to answer it. The questions shall not be answering in the corresponding order of their appearance, but rather, the question that plagues my mind the most, will be answered first.

Pre Ladakh

10 Days to myself.
With no associations, friends, family, entertainment, distractions.
No drama. No mid life crisis. No societal pressures.

I'm supposed to have gone with a free mind. And yet.
People prove to be persistent in trying to change me as a person, trying their best to mould me into a shape they can recognize, or then if not, challenge my very existence.
In the week leading up to my departure, I'd set myself to preparing my mind to withstand a fortnight of solitude. And arrive back with absolutely NO attachments or in other words, to spend my time there not having to worry/regret the life I was going to come back to. This is tough and impossible enough on its own, without people aiding this.

People are bastards.

Their demands are NEVER met and are a constant phenomenon.
THIS is what I leave with.

At 25 and already having crossed the so called quarter life crises, I stand before a full blown mid life crisis.

Factors that worry me aren't career, money, establishing myself OR family, love and the other ultimately inconsequential reasons people live for..
Factors that DO worry me, are what is the point of it? Of everything.
I predict a lifetime of rough and hard work and to what end!
What do I hope to achieve if not the things mentioned in my quarter life crisis?
And even if i do manage to fill a few reason to my existence, how valid are they?
or AM i just further fooling myself to encourage myself to prolong this miserable existence (SEE DISCLAIMER AT THE END).
I can live to attempt to satiate my physical needs, or emotional ones (even knowing they stem out of a very basic insecurity)
I can exist to take a shot at being at true peace, knowledge OR even awareness, but then again, at my current level of societal corruption, it will probably never be achieved.

WHY THEN does Desmond Armando Frias Exist.

These are questions I hope to answer for myself.
My only fear is that IF i don't satisfactorily manage these, I might not return.

My friends and family have, in a way, unwittingly provided fuel to this.
Why does it affect others if I am a bastard, or even if I'm a saint!
If I love my family, or don't, why am i expected to prove this to them or others!
If I'll eventually settle down or not, career or family wise!

I pray for peace, so that when back, My patience extends to incorporate these trivialities

I've put a lot at stake for this to blow up and go wrong.
I just hope my lack of preparation isn't my downfall..









(Now a segment of you out there will be more than encouraged to take offence/be worried for my safety, please rest assured, I am merely setting out to explain my life, not to end it. I do not support or will ever support suicide, NOR will indulge in it.)

The Choice of a lifetime.

The very notion of an "important choice" or a "decision of a lifetime" is in itself ridiculous.
Why are some choices more important than others? What gives some decisions more importance, leading us to give it more brainwave than other ones, when every single action and thought has direct implications to our foreseeable future.
If every choice made, leads to an alternate future, do we then leave anything up to chance. In all honesty, can we really afford to leave anything to a roll of a dice?
If yes, than is it because we do not yet value the result of the consequences OR is it because of us not being willing to accept the consequences of the actions gone wrong!

Thanks to us being bombarded by media every waking moment, it would probably take a youtube video showing us how a person rather insignificant decisions, for example stopping to buy gum or even choosing between the bus and the train, can over a period of time accumulate to grow into a tangent life.

Choice on!!