Mind raped by loved ones/friends

White noise, Silently screaming in despair.
Stuck. Trapped. Frustrated.
Dealing. Coping. Adapting.

"Loved ones" give you the most shit. Is that why we call them "loved ones"? Cause of our need and tendency to create drama and unnecessary problems for ourselves?
Maybe I need a stricter solitude, rather than take unnecessary nonsense.
Adapting to do things when other people want things done rather than do what I want/need to do. Some may proclaim their care and even pretentiously claim more. But really, if someone can't even afford you peace of mind, I'd rather die alone never having been cared for.

A perfect day ruined by thought. Thought brought on by people and their expectations.

I'm done.

I'm Sorry,
Thank you for your time,
But now I must leave..

The messenger client dilemma.

I've never really seen the point of messengers.
So far, I've been on rediffbol, yahoo, msn, gtalk, facebook, whatsapp, BBM and in a way, twitter. And offline msgs through mail services, Hi5, orkut, googleplus, googlewave and so on.

Of late, I've been finding it extremely tough to have to explain exactly WHY I don't intend for people to be my "friends" in these messengers. These are people who I'd never ever converse with, more to do with the fact of not have whatsoever common ground upon which we can base a discussion.
In fact, in my experience, people seem to get highly offended on a personal level if you do not reciprocate their feelings of messenger love. They take it highly personally that you do not wish to include them in your "special" list of friends on your messenger.
You can have them online at four other messengers, but the one that you wish to maintain a bit of sanctity in, they see it their sole purpose to defile. Which is why for the longest time I went off BBM (blackberry messenger). And when i did return, i selectively added all of the 6-7 people I actually do correspond even once a week with. But well, doesn't take long for the trojan horse to come knocking at your door with a few innocent questions and before you realize it, you find yourself with your phone in hand staring at 10 friend requests from people you don't normally spend time with, don't converse with and wouldn't even realize if they'd been hit by a bus the week before..
Is it because they enjoy breaking your resolve? or are they just "add-addicts", adding everything and everyone in sight. We'll never know.

sometimes

Sometimes all we need is a drink.
Or that one last cigarette that leads to another pack.
Or that one hit of high to calm those nerves.
Or even that last hit of medicated bliss..

Sometimes all we need is understanding
Just a comforting hug that says "I love you"
"I'll be there for you, not matter what"
"You're never wrong, it's never your fault"

Sometimes all we need is some security.
Money would take us a long way.
A house to call home wouldn't hurt.
Just a place where you wouldn't lose your mind.

But really, we don't need any of these things
These mostly are things we want!
We need the constant pity and distraction
Or else we'd be forced to deal with what needs attention.

We only REALLY need ourselves, everything else is a lie.
We can kid ourselves all we want, we'll never love anyone like our self.
We need to wake up! To see the truth.
We're not going anywhere, we're stuck..

Wings clipped, grounded for good. But not out, not lost yet.
Don't resign yourself to a life of mediocrity.
You maybe down now, but you can fly again. Just believe.
In yourself. No drugs, wine, people, hugs, security can EVER make you fly,
As high as you can yourself..
And if you realize that, in it's simplicity,
Bon voyage my friend. See you on the other side.
It's better there.

Barcodes

Firstly, allow me to state the obvious.
I've inked myself, the design being a barcode as seen in the accompanying picture and yes that is my date of birth.

I've put of the idea of tattooing myself for the longest time as I constantly battled with myself to come up with an idea that would remain permanent or well, at least persevere for more than a few years. After rejecting all the obvious guitar references, I'd given up.
Now for the person who constantly lives in fear of being typecast and put into a mould, this design was thought of while listening to music and letting my mind drift away and was finalized in about two seconds. I was inked with it within 12 hours. Now I realize that this is a done and dusted design, with probably half the world inked with the same design.

The barcode is supposed to denote an incapability of breaking away from all the things I want to. My wants being very ambitious, I realize that I'm bounded by twenty five years of upbringing and societal corruption.
I'm just a product. A factory made product, the factory being the society I grew up in and acknowledging the same, I've tattooed a production date on me.

The tattoo also signifies how each of us are special and unique, but only when viewed with an absolute critical eye. A eye capable of understanding the intricacies of my coding. To everyone else, I AM everyone else, a product indistinguishable from another. To a person incapable of reading between the lines and understand what the code means, we're all the same. People will see us as being slightly different as a pattern or a design, but our true meaning will always be hidden, except for a code reader.

Lastly, my tattoo reads slave, a testament to the fact that I am one.
I realize I've always been a slave, am a slave and have to constantly try to fight being one.
I'm a slave to my feeling, my thoughts, my biases, my lack of knowledge, understanding, I'm a slave to myself.

Giving myself freedom from being a slave is an uphill task and a lifelong battle, this tattoo is just a reminder that I can never stop trying.
It shows me that I am currently a slave, But need not live the rest of life as one.