I stand here before the threshold something definitive. Greatness..
all but a few chains left. feel lighter already..
been weighed down by the burden of the world. like a vigilante who isn't on the payroll.. It IS a thankless job indeed.
Well, its time to give up the Batman cape for the silk robes of a person going into exile. Exile within myself. On a determined quest for knowledge and understanding.
A place without blaring music, booze and minuscule misgivings.
Went for mass after a considerable time spent away and almost immediately, was rudely reminded of all the reason i don't keep up the charade.
A last thought? well, the aftermath of my decisions are going to leave a lot of people feeling like they're shortchanged.. If they do feel thus, turns out, they weren't good for me to begin with.
Everyone can want greatness, few lean towards achieving it, fewer still make the final sacrifices necessary for that final leap.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Thursday, April 21, 2011
My Personal "Drama"
Im tied up.. In ways unimaginable, tethered to people by indescribable soft and yet resilient chains that keep us in an unwanted bond.
Severing ties with these people described is as herculean a task as it would be to take the place of Atlantis under the world.
And yet. Here I stand, before myself. As nude and naked as the day I arrived, if not even more exposed in comparison.
I stand and stare at myself, the shame and guilt soon to be replaced by ego and stubborn resolve as I see strings extending from my person, silvery string of infinite smoothness. Each one connected to a person.
A person that has managed to break into and reside in a small part of my otherwise “stone” heart. Many people of these people today serve absolutely no purpose, but are only a reminiscent of a relationship that was. A relationship that once worked and now is as dead as the most of me is inside.
The time is at hand, to disconnect these strings. Until the only person that exists, is me. For that is the only person that should exist. For the strings don’t make existing any easier. I’m subjected to all the sorrows, the pain, the problems and drama that the people I’m connected to have to offer.
Problems that I can solve while being blindfolded, juggling three chainsaws and riding a unicycle. My state of peace, is in a constant state of conflict with having to deal with idiots who’s biggest problem comparatively is as small as not being able to tie their shoelaces.
Soon I tell myself. Soon I shall find peace from people and their miniscule, insignificant little problems.
Severing ties with these people described is as herculean a task as it would be to take the place of Atlantis under the world.
And yet. Here I stand, before myself. As nude and naked as the day I arrived, if not even more exposed in comparison.
I stand and stare at myself, the shame and guilt soon to be replaced by ego and stubborn resolve as I see strings extending from my person, silvery string of infinite smoothness. Each one connected to a person.
A person that has managed to break into and reside in a small part of my otherwise “stone” heart. Many people of these people today serve absolutely no purpose, but are only a reminiscent of a relationship that was. A relationship that once worked and now is as dead as the most of me is inside.
The time is at hand, to disconnect these strings. Until the only person that exists, is me. For that is the only person that should exist. For the strings don’t make existing any easier. I’m subjected to all the sorrows, the pain, the problems and drama that the people I’m connected to have to offer.
Problems that I can solve while being blindfolded, juggling three chainsaws and riding a unicycle. My state of peace, is in a constant state of conflict with having to deal with idiots who’s biggest problem comparatively is as small as not being able to tie their shoelaces.
Soon I tell myself. Soon I shall find peace from people and their miniscule, insignificant little problems.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
welcome to my heart
clouded by emotion, my heart struggles to make sense,
not only of the events that concerns him, but also to account for the welfare of loved ones.
And with that, with every decision he makes, he ties a rope around himself and plunges into a lake of sorrow, his little head never to come up even a single time for air.
For some decisions are logical ones, prompted by harsh and cold facts.
Others lie beyond the realm of practicality. It takes sheer will to be able to make these decisions and forgo rationale and a working mind.
My little heart struggles to breathe as unforseen events suffocate him and as the coldness and the very brutal nature of people get under his skin.
He feels rubbed raw by the very essence of love and a bit robbed by the same.
Love not only in the short term practical sense, but in the fuller truer sense of the word. Cause he's seen a lot of 'love' and he's been let down more than a couple of times.
Maybe it is time to settle down, Opt for that style of life again.
Find someone that connects at a mental plane for the emotional one to connect.
A daunting task nevertheless, is something that be increasingly identified as a need more than a want.
I know I've said I only belong to myself, but what do you do when yourself rejects you?
not only of the events that concerns him, but also to account for the welfare of loved ones.
And with that, with every decision he makes, he ties a rope around himself and plunges into a lake of sorrow, his little head never to come up even a single time for air.
For some decisions are logical ones, prompted by harsh and cold facts.
Others lie beyond the realm of practicality. It takes sheer will to be able to make these decisions and forgo rationale and a working mind.
My little heart struggles to breathe as unforseen events suffocate him and as the coldness and the very brutal nature of people get under his skin.
He feels rubbed raw by the very essence of love and a bit robbed by the same.
Love not only in the short term practical sense, but in the fuller truer sense of the word. Cause he's seen a lot of 'love' and he's been let down more than a couple of times.
Maybe it is time to settle down, Opt for that style of life again.
Find someone that connects at a mental plane for the emotional one to connect.
A daunting task nevertheless, is something that be increasingly identified as a need more than a want.
I know I've said I only belong to myself, but what do you do when yourself rejects you?
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