New Year Resolutions

Giving up people.
Each year only adds more fuel to the fire of my cynicism.


Be more materialistic.
Because that's what the world is. People that tell you it isn't are often deluded and live like I used to, wearing rose colored glasses.


Be a musician.
Because I once was, am not anymore.


Continue the fight to end drama.
I now know with greater clarity what must be done.


Solo trips only, where ever possible
Because I've made my decision that I'm better off dying alone anyway, no need to be nice about it.


Game.
Because in a virtual world, things are in control and if they're not, I can rage quit and burn the console.


Fight Desire.
Desire nothing. Wanting anything is bad.


Healthier
I definitely need to not die climbing a flight of stairs.


Drink.
Yes. Just that. Drink more. Socially, Alone, whatever.


Live Alone
because most of these things are only possible when that happens. Make a rule to never invite anyone over.

So much to say, so much to say

Pent up thoughts that are almost on the verge of breaking the mental dam that keeps them from gushing out unfiltered in the world made me realize that this place used to be a safe haven where i could safely and in a controlled manner offload certain parts of the madness.
Why this ceased is a question that I'm not sure i have the answer to at the moment, but I'm sure my brain will retrospectively make one up so as to bring reason into the seemingly random act.

Having said that, I now need to align my thoughts and then be back, with hopefully newer things to make you think about.
Until then, adieu.

The All Consuming Fog Of Occupation

My time, my mind, almost my entire life, every waking moment has now been consumed as i merged with this larger entity that seeks to completely possess every fiber of my being. Every heartbeat, every blink of my eye, every thought in my brain, all is now sought to be harvested for the greater good of the whole.

Funny thing about that, I don't mind.

Sacrifices don't normally come easy, but "trade-offs" come naturally.
Tit for Tat they say, some say im not the tat in the story for sure for having "thrown away the pleasure of social engagements"

It'll all pay off i sub-conciously convince myself.
You be patient inner child, your time will come. Albeit when it does, you'll be wearing dentures, old, bald and resigned to a chair, because such is life.
Right?
right?

Can we move on from rhetorical questions now?

The irony of my situation is probably amplified to anyone who has read anything i've written in the last year. A person's philosophy i've believed is almost solely a product of his current mental being, this isnt better exemplified than my trend of pseudo philosophical ramblings.
Being that very robot which I once despised is fun, or is it?
isn't it? It is, i convince myself. It'll pay off, it has to.

Remember that old phrase? Kansas or bust? I don't have a Kansas.
Floating towards nothing, accelerating all the way.

I already know the end result involves a wall and me colliding at warp speed against it.
I guess the only thing left now, is to decide whether before i hit the wall, to turn right cheek or left or hit it face first.