Is it love I feel or an accentuation of lust.
For my body betrays what my heart feels
I can no longer count on my brain to think.
For my brain is only but a product of my emotions.
My brain is never independent of emotions.
Fear, love, jealousy, anger all rule my judgement.
How then can I be a thinking animal? I must be a feeling one!
For feelings override every thought that my brain births.
I must find a way to think! to be free of feeling
It is then that my mental anguish shall end.
It is then that I will finally being to live.
I must let go of my past and my feelings,
and finally look forward to conscious thought
Or be drowned in a pool of my own emotions.
and be consumed by myself..
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Background tracks and emotions
I always wished life had a soundtrack..
A track that always complimented the situation and my mood, drowning out the moment and engulfing my soul in a torrent of emotion.
Sadly, there's was no background score to my heart breaking.
No tune, no song playing whilst I sat all those times tearful by myself.
The world didn't slow down in a moment that allowed me to appreciate my state more than I already did.
The only thing you feel when your heart breaks, is your heart breaking.
Shattering into little bits of yourself, flying into every direction taking down everything in their way.
heartbreak *sigh..
If you do ever get over it, you promise yourself that you owe it too much to yourself to ever let you feel that way again.
And yet,
here you are, pieces of heart on the floor, tears streaming down your face and your makeup smudged.
Let me hug you. Let me comfort you. Let me take you in..
I can't heal your broken heart. I can't even begin to understand how you feel.
But I can make the world go away with a simple hug.
So come closer.. leave your worries at the door..
Bury your head in my chest..
Drift off in a state of peace.
A track that always complimented the situation and my mood, drowning out the moment and engulfing my soul in a torrent of emotion.
Sadly, there's was no background score to my heart breaking.
No tune, no song playing whilst I sat all those times tearful by myself.
The world didn't slow down in a moment that allowed me to appreciate my state more than I already did.
The only thing you feel when your heart breaks, is your heart breaking.
Shattering into little bits of yourself, flying into every direction taking down everything in their way.
heartbreak *sigh..
If you do ever get over it, you promise yourself that you owe it too much to yourself to ever let you feel that way again.
And yet,
here you are, pieces of heart on the floor, tears streaming down your face and your makeup smudged.
Let me hug you. Let me comfort you. Let me take you in..
I can't heal your broken heart. I can't even begin to understand how you feel.
But I can make the world go away with a simple hug.
So come closer.. leave your worries at the door..
Bury your head in my chest..
Drift off in a state of peace.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Last words
Can you think of your last words ever to the people you loved?
Have they been words of encouragement? Of making them feel safe, loved and wanted or are they angst ridden words that indicate turmoil.
Last words have a profound long term impact on people. They’re the first thing they think of when they reminisce about you. When nostalgic, those last words will always be remembered. They words have the ability to conjure up a whole range of varied emotions in people. Right from anger to sadness, from feeling loved, to feeling despised and hated, from feeling brotherhood to feeling unwanted.
Do you remember the last words of people you’ve loved and have now lost?
Were they all you wanted them to be? Did they make you feel special and loved?
Not everyone has the privilege of a death bed. Some people die before they get the chance to tell you that they love you. That you meant the world to them. That they find it impossible to function at even a day to day level without hearing your voice. That the day just isn’t the same when they’ve woken up to find you are away and not lying there in bed next to them. People are robbed of the chance to tell you that they’d discovered the meaning of love the day they met you. That a single smile on your face is worth a thousand frowns on their own. That they’d walk until forever, just to meet you for a minute. That they find all the comfort they’ll ever need in one last hug.
Some people don’t get the chance to say, “thank you, you’ve been the best parent you could be”, that they couldn’t have been the people they are today if not first being created by you. Thank you for all those nights you stayed up in patience whilst I cried. Thank you for buying me that new cycle with the money you’d been saving up for what would be the replacement to your torn shoes. Thank you for those days of summer vacation you made fun. Thank you for spending about 500 vacation’s worth of money raising me. Thank you for understanding me or for the times you don’t; trusting me.
People die without saying, thank you for being the best friend life could ever offer. For knowing me better than myself. For always standing by me in a fight. For wanting to have my back, even if that meant following me to hell. For standing behind me when I lacked confidence. For letting go of me when you realized that you’d never match up in ways. For always thinking of my feelings as if they were created by your own heart. For saying that you’ll always be there.
So what are your last words going to be?
Life is too short and unpredictable. In a world where potentially every last word could be your last, make them count.
Have they been words of encouragement? Of making them feel safe, loved and wanted or are they angst ridden words that indicate turmoil.
Last words have a profound long term impact on people. They’re the first thing they think of when they reminisce about you. When nostalgic, those last words will always be remembered. They words have the ability to conjure up a whole range of varied emotions in people. Right from anger to sadness, from feeling loved, to feeling despised and hated, from feeling brotherhood to feeling unwanted.
Do you remember the last words of people you’ve loved and have now lost?
Were they all you wanted them to be? Did they make you feel special and loved?
Not everyone has the privilege of a death bed. Some people die before they get the chance to tell you that they love you. That you meant the world to them. That they find it impossible to function at even a day to day level without hearing your voice. That the day just isn’t the same when they’ve woken up to find you are away and not lying there in bed next to them. People are robbed of the chance to tell you that they’d discovered the meaning of love the day they met you. That a single smile on your face is worth a thousand frowns on their own. That they’d walk until forever, just to meet you for a minute. That they find all the comfort they’ll ever need in one last hug.
Some people don’t get the chance to say, “thank you, you’ve been the best parent you could be”, that they couldn’t have been the people they are today if not first being created by you. Thank you for all those nights you stayed up in patience whilst I cried. Thank you for buying me that new cycle with the money you’d been saving up for what would be the replacement to your torn shoes. Thank you for those days of summer vacation you made fun. Thank you for spending about 500 vacation’s worth of money raising me. Thank you for understanding me or for the times you don’t; trusting me.
People die without saying, thank you for being the best friend life could ever offer. For knowing me better than myself. For always standing by me in a fight. For wanting to have my back, even if that meant following me to hell. For standing behind me when I lacked confidence. For letting go of me when you realized that you’d never match up in ways. For always thinking of my feelings as if they were created by your own heart. For saying that you’ll always be there.
So what are your last words going to be?
Life is too short and unpredictable. In a world where potentially every last word could be your last, make them count.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Paraplegic in a handicap accessible world
Welcome to the world of today, where the rich get richer and the poor get poorer and being mentally retarded now seems to be the norm. Yes it is true! If your brains now function a bit slower than usual and there has never been a better decade or you to exist than now. Of course I am talking about a lot of you that have the amount of brain function that matches ---that of an earthworm!
You care about the dust in the air and the pollution in the atmosphere, the germs in your food and the calories in what you eat and even the texture of your hair, blissfully ignoring the fact that you have missed the train of intelligence. So you stand there clutching onto your umbrella for dear life in the midst of summer wearing a condom even though you are not going got have sex and wearing gumboots on dry pavement waving merrily at the people seated in the train moving ahead with a smile on your face that matched that of Forest Gump.
But wait a minute – what exactly have you let go by missing a single train? Life? Money? Friends? A social circuit? NO
You’ve missed out on the very meaning of why you exist, and why is it that you exist? What purpose is served buy the suit of flesh you don? Oh you are a despicable lot you! You come, you eat, you love, you procreate, you cry and you die! What difference have you made? Whose lives have you touched? What kindness have you shown? Why aren’t suicide points all not that much popular?
The train of intelligence brings along with it a certain sense of oneness. Oneness in the knowledge that that you will always be oblivious to the external world as well as the world existing within yourself, the world of inner happiness, the world of inner peace and mental tranquility, so you stand there with a smile on your face not because you are truly happy,, but because your Ipod is now blasting your favorite song in your ear painfully making it painfully obvious that you choose temporary happiness over the meaning of life, so you lie in your own filth, the self acknowledged sense of material happiness fueled by your material possessions.
The next train is never too far away, the arrival of the train of intelligence is sure as rain itself. The train stops for no man and it heralds its arrival by sounding its horn from afar. So cast aside your umbrella, take off your gumboots and pull away the condom, for your time is now! Now is the time to truly make a change in the world, now is YOUR time of decision. Your exertion of free will like never before! And the train draws nearer to the station, move nearer towards the platform with anticipation of the gift you are about to receive. You are about to receive the gift of being redeemed, and as the train is almost at the platform, fling yourself in front of it on the tracks, for you shall never change. You are beyond the help of intelligence and it is your destiny to be fodder for people who actually value the importance of intelligence, thus in this way not be ending your miserable existence but finally adding some meaning to it…
You care about the dust in the air and the pollution in the atmosphere, the germs in your food and the calories in what you eat and even the texture of your hair, blissfully ignoring the fact that you have missed the train of intelligence. So you stand there clutching onto your umbrella for dear life in the midst of summer wearing a condom even though you are not going got have sex and wearing gumboots on dry pavement waving merrily at the people seated in the train moving ahead with a smile on your face that matched that of Forest Gump.
But wait a minute – what exactly have you let go by missing a single train? Life? Money? Friends? A social circuit? NO
You’ve missed out on the very meaning of why you exist, and why is it that you exist? What purpose is served buy the suit of flesh you don? Oh you are a despicable lot you! You come, you eat, you love, you procreate, you cry and you die! What difference have you made? Whose lives have you touched? What kindness have you shown? Why aren’t suicide points all not that much popular?
The train of intelligence brings along with it a certain sense of oneness. Oneness in the knowledge that that you will always be oblivious to the external world as well as the world existing within yourself, the world of inner happiness, the world of inner peace and mental tranquility, so you stand there with a smile on your face not because you are truly happy,, but because your Ipod is now blasting your favorite song in your ear painfully making it painfully obvious that you choose temporary happiness over the meaning of life, so you lie in your own filth, the self acknowledged sense of material happiness fueled by your material possessions.
The next train is never too far away, the arrival of the train of intelligence is sure as rain itself. The train stops for no man and it heralds its arrival by sounding its horn from afar. So cast aside your umbrella, take off your gumboots and pull away the condom, for your time is now! Now is the time to truly make a change in the world, now is YOUR time of decision. Your exertion of free will like never before! And the train draws nearer to the station, move nearer towards the platform with anticipation of the gift you are about to receive. You are about to receive the gift of being redeemed, and as the train is almost at the platform, fling yourself in front of it on the tracks, for you shall never change. You are beyond the help of intelligence and it is your destiny to be fodder for people who actually value the importance of intelligence, thus in this way not be ending your miserable existence but finally adding some meaning to it…
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Into the mind of Desmond, or so i thought
My blog is supposed to exist as an insight into the inner workings of my mind.
What the original purpose this served seems to escape me at the moment. I guess the commonly shared need to be heard. for what purpose though?
My blog, this particular one anyway, was supposed to act as an online diary of sorts. To remind me of things of things I've seen, felt and thought.
To remind me of the loves I've lost, gained and mostly taken for granted. Of the people I've lost touch with, or simply lost to the twirls of fate.
To the passions I've had and shared, most of which now exist slumbering in coffins, only to be awoken rudely by my soul stirring for deeper meaning.
yes, this blog in the not too far future will also act as an obituary of sorts. A log of my misgiving and immaturity. A standing tribute to my mental mess and truly confused personality.
Or in a perfect world, this can be a testament to the life I've lead. This could log my metamorphosis into the person I intend to be, rising from the sub-par environment that surrounds me to live a life of peace and higher meaning.
Life is, what I make of it, my times starts now.
What the original purpose this served seems to escape me at the moment. I guess the commonly shared need to be heard. for what purpose though?
My blog, this particular one anyway, was supposed to act as an online diary of sorts. To remind me of things of things I've seen, felt and thought.
To remind me of the loves I've lost, gained and mostly taken for granted. Of the people I've lost touch with, or simply lost to the twirls of fate.
To the passions I've had and shared, most of which now exist slumbering in coffins, only to be awoken rudely by my soul stirring for deeper meaning.
yes, this blog in the not too far future will also act as an obituary of sorts. A log of my misgiving and immaturity. A standing tribute to my mental mess and truly confused personality.
Or in a perfect world, this can be a testament to the life I've lead. This could log my metamorphosis into the person I intend to be, rising from the sub-par environment that surrounds me to live a life of peace and higher meaning.
Life is, what I make of it, my times starts now.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Lost souls and ghost loves.
We all are in some way still in love with a ghost of a person we knew..
An embodiment of a person that we loved, the way they used to be when we loved them.
To us in a way, we'll always have a soft corner for that ghost. There arises a problem only when the real person differs so vastly from the ghost image we've held onto, that then, the person holds even lesser value in a way, from the ghost.
I've tried my best. Now its upto the Gods of chance and fate.
Tried to disprove your very existence, erasing you from everything tangible.
How do i delete you from my intangible memories. Memories that will forever haunt me, reminiscent of times of happiness.
I can delete a facebook account, i can block you on chat, I can never delete your number from my brain.
I can't delete the times we've spent. ever..
So i walk around, my brain clouded by a thick fog of disapproval.
Disapproval mainly from my thinking self forcing me to wonder what exactly I'm nostalgic about. For amongst the good memories, were also extremely painful ones.
I was recently asked when I last cried. If the pain I've felt could be expressed in earthly terms of crying, I'd be crying a river by this point.. But my mask is much stronger. So is my resolve. I AM a rock.. And thusly i shall act..
I wish you best.. Moreover, I wish me best.
Here's to distractions, we live our entire life being distracted by things that really matter so as not to live a life of pain only to then live a life of regret..
Cheers.
An embodiment of a person that we loved, the way they used to be when we loved them.
To us in a way, we'll always have a soft corner for that ghost. There arises a problem only when the real person differs so vastly from the ghost image we've held onto, that then, the person holds even lesser value in a way, from the ghost.
I've tried my best. Now its upto the Gods of chance and fate.
Tried to disprove your very existence, erasing you from everything tangible.
How do i delete you from my intangible memories. Memories that will forever haunt me, reminiscent of times of happiness.
I can delete a facebook account, i can block you on chat, I can never delete your number from my brain.
I can't delete the times we've spent. ever..
So i walk around, my brain clouded by a thick fog of disapproval.
Disapproval mainly from my thinking self forcing me to wonder what exactly I'm nostalgic about. For amongst the good memories, were also extremely painful ones.
I was recently asked when I last cried. If the pain I've felt could be expressed in earthly terms of crying, I'd be crying a river by this point.. But my mask is much stronger. So is my resolve. I AM a rock.. And thusly i shall act..
I wish you best.. Moreover, I wish me best.
Here's to distractions, we live our entire life being distracted by things that really matter so as not to live a life of pain only to then live a life of regret..
Cheers.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
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