One post a year now apparantly.

Who'd think this blog would die eh?
I certainly did.
I've never really done anything consistently in my life, four years seems to be a magic mark beyond which nothing escapes, almost like a sun giving out light and then exploding into a black hole sucking back everything and more.

That thought both excited and frightens me, i've always idealized the jack of all trades existence, and both despised and was envious of the master of none at the same time. Envious because i knew that i was never capable of it myself and therefore also despising it.

Maybe someday i'll give up shorter dopamine rush related things for things that are more consistent and long term.

Traveling i thought could be such a thing, however, the nature of relationship between travel and work often means one consumes the other, finding that balance itself is something that i find appalling. At the same time, being practical, i realize i cannot just only constantly escape real life, and isnt that what travel is essentially anyway? I can ride/fly as far away from my life as possibly and eventually always have to come back to what it was that i escaped from in the first place, namely myself.
The problems with compartmentalization is exactly that, you can shove things in a box and associate them with certain places, people and situations, but eventually, you're not really dealing with situations (impossible in most cases) and you are unwittingly then again with the box in your hand, only this time, it's grown a bit bigger since the last time and you have new creatures evolving inside it.

The problem with demons in the real world is that the only real demon is within and tragically will only ever die with you. The world outside you is what it is, it has always been and will always be, you are the only paradigm that can change except, people don't change.

Look at it this way, you're an animal. Animals can be trained to hop on a stool and ride a unicycle, conditioned to live among humans, even follow a diet different from the one they've evolved to eat, but essentially an animal is always that, and with the absence of external forces, will revert to it's true nature. What we do then, is just temporarily enforce good behavior, often through force. A tiger will die a tiger, albeit a well behaved one that eats from your hand.