New Year Resolutions

Giving up people.
Each year only adds more fuel to the fire of my cynicism.


Be more materialistic.
Because that's what the world is. People that tell you it isn't are often deluded and live like I used to, wearing rose colored glasses.


Be a musician.
Because I once was, am not anymore.


Continue the fight to end drama.
I now know with greater clarity what must be done.


Solo trips only, where ever possible
Because I've made my decision that I'm better off dying alone anyway, no need to be nice about it.


Game.
Because in a virtual world, things are in control and if they're not, I can rage quit and burn the console.


Fight Desire.
Desire nothing. Wanting anything is bad.


Healthier
I definitely need to not die climbing a flight of stairs.


Drink.
Yes. Just that. Drink more. Socially, Alone, whatever.


Live Alone
because most of these things are only possible when that happens. Make a rule to never invite anyone over.

So much to say, so much to say

Pent up thoughts that are almost on the verge of breaking the mental dam that keeps them from gushing out unfiltered in the world made me realize that this place used to be a safe haven where i could safely and in a controlled manner offload certain parts of the madness.
Why this ceased is a question that I'm not sure i have the answer to at the moment, but I'm sure my brain will retrospectively make one up so as to bring reason into the seemingly random act.

Having said that, I now need to align my thoughts and then be back, with hopefully newer things to make you think about.
Until then, adieu.

The All Consuming Fog Of Occupation

My time, my mind, almost my entire life, every waking moment has now been consumed as i merged with this larger entity that seeks to completely possess every fiber of my being. Every heartbeat, every blink of my eye, every thought in my brain, all is now sought to be harvested for the greater good of the whole.

Funny thing about that, I don't mind.

Sacrifices don't normally come easy, but "trade-offs" come naturally.
Tit for Tat they say, some say im not the tat in the story for sure for having "thrown away the pleasure of social engagements"

It'll all pay off i sub-conciously convince myself.
You be patient inner child, your time will come. Albeit when it does, you'll be wearing dentures, old, bald and resigned to a chair, because such is life.
Right?
right?

Can we move on from rhetorical questions now?

The irony of my situation is probably amplified to anyone who has read anything i've written in the last year. A person's philosophy i've believed is almost solely a product of his current mental being, this isnt better exemplified than my trend of pseudo philosophical ramblings.
Being that very robot which I once despised is fun, or is it?
isn't it? It is, i convince myself. It'll pay off, it has to.

Remember that old phrase? Kansas or bust? I don't have a Kansas.
Floating towards nothing, accelerating all the way.

I already know the end result involves a wall and me colliding at warp speed against it.
I guess the only thing left now, is to decide whether before i hit the wall, to turn right cheek or left or hit it face first.

A finger out of the grave

A finger reaching out of the grave,
for sometimes, i must act brave
"reach for the stars, shoot for the sky"
don't give up yet desmond, try try try

There's lands to discover!
there's secrets to uncover!
There are so many things to know,
there's so much more to grow!

Cleaning up cobwebs, grime and dust,
Ridding my heart and brain of rust
sitting and watching day turn to night
and the demons of dark, flee from light

Blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah.

The End.

No more words.

So much to write about and yet, i couldnt be bothered to list them all down, even for my own future reference.

This might very well be the death of this blog.

All these years later, have i achieved anything of what i initially set out to do when i created this blog?
I dont think so. Some things still remain to be accomplished. Undesired drama still remains a huge factor in weighing me down.
people i associate with show the propensity to not want to grow out of the miserable average lives they lead. They will be lead like sheep, but as soon as the shepherd has his back to them, they're as lost as they were before the introduction of said shepherd.

People lack the want to be better everyday, something that still confuses me.

Maybe some people are better left playing in the filth of a sty and are not suited to chairs, maybe expecting rational thought from people is akin to expecting great literature from a monkey.

Everyday i associate with people, my cynicism grows and with it grows my desire to retreat into a cabin of solitude, away from the madness.


There are rational people out there, don't get me wrong.
I just don't seem to be finding too many of them.


Yes, this is an egotistical rant.
And i can afford to do so, because this is my blog :)

Those unnoticed notes.

Well, this world is all about subtext.
Namely, understanding where there's none and being able to read when there is and what is being said.
New studies indicate that a persons ability to understand sarcasm shows a healthy brain, we've evolved to be the sarcastic bunch of people we are now and you certainly cant fight human nature.

Subtext allows for a whole freeway of miscommunication, especially with people who believe themselves to be adept at reading it, but really it can barely grasp at the thread of conversation with words being spoken out loud.
Unsurprisingly, the amount of unspoken word in a conversation or subtext is directly proportional to how socially decrepit a persons moral code is. A well adjusted person has little need for subtext and a person that doesn't fit well with society's mold has to be able to converse better without spoken word. I bet I don't have to repeat that old chestnut about "words once spoken.."

Come talk with me sometime.. We'll talk about the weather.

All That Hate

Normal cannot exist in a universe where they're consciously aware of anyone, even one person hating them for whatever reason, no matter how mundane.
Me, it amuses me when someone hates me, because I'm also aware of their inability to see that they have to hate themselves to hate me.
When you hate someone or something, for sheer purpose of example, that noisy boorish neighbour that killed your dog (by mistake of course), what you're really doing is hating yourself by evoking a emotionally negative association every single time you're reminded of him/her.
You have to hate yourself to do that to yourself just to carry out the mental act of hating someone else.

Weirdly but not so unsurprisingly, everyone who's ever hated me has also loved me in some sense of the word love and everyone that does one, continues to do the other and has made it a point to mention it too. Almost like they were subconsciously hoping I could resolve their dilemma and help them pick a side by pushing them over the fence one way or the other.

People who've 'hated' me have always done so because at times, I'm not the most pleasant person to be around when problems are being discussed. I'm over-judgmental of everything I hear, but only if I consider you more than an acquaintance. Let it be known that if you come to me with the same problem more than twice, I'm going to begin by calling you the best of words denoting your stupidity before I bet my own farm in trying to help you break even.

Hate.. Such a brilliant concept.
Purer than love, undiluted and raw..

Completely isn't how people use it anymore though. Every emotion needs to be referred to by its comparative extreme in the scale.

Whatever happened to people saying "you know, I don't like you so much at the moment in time".. I know that's what I say.