So I'm not totally Buddhist or enlightened.
Not even partly or slightly. I'm just a guy with temper issues.
And even though I've spent many reading hours having some quack tell me that it isn't positive to withhold anger, I can help but.
My anger resides in a small ball of pure glowing white rage somewhere at the back of my head. Now I know this is probably not the best for me personally, but i think of it as the least I can do for the people I "allegedly" care for.
I don't always get the same consideration from these same people mind you, who won't think twice about using this same rage as a crutch to launch crippling attacks on my emotions and mental being, but that isn't what we're talking about here.
Anger, is well, eventually let out. although for me, It usually takes a lot to provoke me to display my array of anger induced venom.
Lately, surviving a multitude of person attacks, I've come to realize a few certain number of truths more intensely than ever before.
1) Even Hitler thought he was a great man. So did Castro, Laden, Saddam and everyone else that terrorized millions. If these people could reject everything bad everyone said about them, then why not you? We're seemingly built to rarely, if never, take conscious blame for any of our actions/thoughts or words, because our "intentions" are always clearly either good or neutral to us! We will even dismiss someone's comments of how we are the one killing them into depression as the other persons self doing. While in most of the cases, we like to play victim when we really aren't, we simply have to realize for ourselves when exactly we're being Hitlers and Saddams.
2) Social isn't bad, neither is antisocial. By No means am I a very social person and of late, my tendencies towards living a solitary life are becoming more and more apparent. Very soon I shall retreat to my solitary cave only to come out for food, sex and photography. But until then, I live life on my own terms, which aren't apparently all that much of a hit with other people, especially friends and family. I don't like going for birthday parties, I dont like reminiscing for the hundred time about a life I led and I especially don't like being surrounded by crowds in the midst of blaring music! But in this world where I fit almost like a glove into the antisocial territory, there are actually a group of people that think I'm social! talk about confused humans!
I'm amused dating sporadically, I have about five hundred people on networking sites, and they may jump into random conversations about insignificant topics now and again. But then, Im always offline, never meet anyone and am never on the phone to reminisce. Social? I'll let you decide, especially when the accusations come from people who find it tough letting even the trash go from their lives.
3) It has been brought to my attention, by myself, that I am wasting my life.
I've definitely been working on it, and have already launched what I call the "First One Year Plan", I assume I've written about this already it encompasses music, photography, writing and traveling.. Now it is true, I'll definitely move at a slower pace that I would if i were completely free, but well, I'm just a sucker for things I find there to be a future in, call me stupid..
That it, im done.. *sigh.
Oh yea, and incase you've actually read this, drop by my photostream too
http://www.flickr.com/photos/25937835@N07/page1/
No comments:
Post a Comment